Shocked in late autumn

Wu Yuling frowned. She looked at her son strangely, seeing him flustered and panicked, but she couldn't understand what he was expressing at all.

She has never seen a son like this before. Since childhood, Xu Chenyu has always been a standard good boy. He studies well and has excellent grades. Li's son is the kind of good student who wears a red scarf and speaks from the rostrum.

He is naturally calm, calm, courageous and responsible.

But this person in front of him, with messy hair, red eyes, talking inconsequentially, and behaving in a panic, doesn't have the slightest look of being as steady as a mountain in the face of drug lords...

Wu Yuling's eyes were full of distress. It was strange that she felt his son's love for that man in his flustered narrative tone.

Xu Chenyu made a statement, still in an incomprehensible tone: "I met him in a record store, and I didn't know how I walked into his store until I saw this photo... ...Mom, it is destined, God just wants me to meet him..."

Hearing this, Wu Yuling understood a little bit. She sniffed, her voice was broken: "So what? How many people do you have to meet in this life? You are only 25 years old, and you still have five or sixty years in the future." How about... you... you just with a man?"

For this son, Wu Yuling never thought of making him a marquis or a general, nor asking him to return to his hometown. As a mother, her only expectation is that he is safe and healthy, and have a happy and happy family. Or is it an extravagant hope?

Xu Chenyu's voice trembled, and he tried to explain: "I read on the Internet that the chance of meeting people is one in 28, and the chance of acquaintance is one in 6000 million. He and I are [-] in [-] million. The probability of one in ten thousand... Mom... This is the first time I have grown up..."

The first time to love, the first time to be loved.

Wu Yuling's high-heeled shoes stepped on something on the ground, but she didn't care, and her emotions kept jumping back and forth between sadness and anger. She said slowly, "Then you will have a second, third time... you You are still so young, why do you want to cut yourself off..."

Xu Chenyu had the courage to ask her: "If it was so easy, why did you marry Dad in the first place, and why didn't you marry again after Dad left!"

The two "why" questions made Wu Yuling speechless, and she was stunned.

Wu Yuling showed her sharp part, and her voice was a little louder: "What are you talking about? Can it be the same?"

"Why is it different?" Xu Chenyu held the photo and crumpled the corners: "Then can you tell me, what is the difference between loving a woman and loving a man?"

Wu Yuling raised her face and fixed her eyes on her son: "You are young, and your love is bigger than the sky. You can ignore my worries. Do you know how difficult the road ahead is? Birth, old age, sickness and death, can you survive one by one? No. Getting married, having no children, and accepting strange gazes from outsiders, accepting those malicious swear words, have you ever thought about these things! Are you stupid!"

In the last sentence, her voice tripled, and all the emotions she had suppressed tonight burst out. Wu Yuling put her elbows on her knees, and she covered her face and began to cry softly.

"I understand, I've thought about it, but I'm sorry..." Xu Chenyu's shoulders drooped, he lowered his head, and could only murmur: "Mom...I'm sorry..."

The sobbing sound was intermittent, echoing in the empty night, Xu Chenyu apologized softly, and he didn't know why he apologized, although deep down in his heart, he never felt that there was anything wrong with being in love, but seeing Wu Yuling sobbing, He also has to admit that he is selfish in hurting the love of others for his own love.

I don't know how long it took, Wu Yuling's tears boiled dry, sticking dryly to her cheeks, she stubbornly refused to look at her son, turned her head to the side, and stared at the shadow floating on the ground: "You are not sorry for me, you are sorry for yourself .”

Xu Chenyu wiped the floor with his knees, he moved over, Wu Yuling's eyes could be seen from this angle: "Mom...do you think I'm disgusting?"

One sentence drew Wu Yuling's gaze back. Her complexion was complicated, and many things flashed in her eyes wrinkled with time, including powerlessness, love, and heartache.

Xu Chenyu pinched his palm until it turned white. He stared at his mother's face, not daring to miss any subtle expression on her face. As long as his mother said something disgusting, it was enough to kill Xu Chenyu's heart.

Time ticked away, the air was as quiet as a black hole in the universe, Xu Chenyu knelt down until his knees went numb, his nails tore through his flesh.

There are thousands of words in her chest, whether it is a question or a harsh one, it is inseparable from the word "love". After a long time, Wu Yuling shook her head dully.

It wasn't until this moment that Xu Chenyu breathed out a sigh of relief, almost lightening the straw that had crushed him just a little bit.

Wu Yuling wiped her cheeks with both hands indiscriminately. She pulled so hard that her skin was flushed. This time, she spoke in a much calmer tone: "Do you remember Uncle Han in the second unit of the community?"

Xu Chenyu lowered his head and nodded, whispering, "I remember..."

Wu Yuling turned her gaze out of the window, looking at the deep night, she said slowly: "Uncle Han is 75 years old this year, he has no wife or children, you can see how poor he is living..." She suppressed her tears, but the warm liquid fell down like broken beads: "He also had a lover of the same sex back then, and the two loved each other vigorously. In order to be together, what deviant Everything has been done, but do you know? In those days, homosexuality was called hooliganism. He spent seven years in prison. After he got out, he lost his job and his lover ran away..."

The three words of hooliganism deeply hurt Xu Chenyu, and he slapped him hard invisibly.

Wu Yuling took a breath, and she blinked her eyelids, trying to get rid of the dense fog: "I know society is progressing, and this era is much more open than in the past," she knelt down, looked at her son, and finally said something In my heart: "I also know that love itself is not sinful, but I can't bear it, you are my only son..."

Xu Chenyu understood, understood her mother's intentions and worries. She was afraid that her son would live in gossip, she was also afraid of the strange eyes from around her, and she was even more afraid that she would leave a hundred years later, leaving the child alone.

"Mom, I'm not deviant, I just..." Xu Chenyu tried his best to organize his words: "I just...choose to obey my heart..."

At this point, four or five hours have passed, and the night is filled with the desolation and cold that is unique to winter.

Wu Yuling's eyes rested quietly on the ground, with strands of white hair fluttering gently in the wind, she looked like only a small black shadow in the chill.

Xu Chenyu didn't mean to compromise at all, just spent time with Wu Yuling like this, he didn't argue or explain too much, just knelt in front of his mother and kept kneeling.

Wu Yuling looked up and stared at Xu Chenyu. There seemed to be a mirror of time in her eyes. Through him, she saw other people. She laughed at herself: "Sometimes you and your father really look alike, look alike, and have a similar temperament. It’s like, you don’t know, he insisted on drug enforcement back then, and I secretly got angry with him many times, but he wouldn’t let me…”

Speaking of this, Wu Yuling paused for a long time. She looked down at Xu Chenyu, and patted her son with her dry palm lightly, saying, "You are so much like your father. If you don't hit the south wall, don't look back. If you don't reach the Yellow River Undead..."

As if he had recovered a little bit of his thoughts, Xu Chenyu knelt on the ground and made a posture for a long talk: "Mom...let's have a good talk...",

Seeing that Wu Yuling's mood eased, Xu Chenyu's first sentence was: "I won't, and I can't separate from Songlin. Mom, I know you love Dad very much, otherwise you wouldn't have persisted for so many years, and I understand. Love is both strong and fragile. For Songlin, it’s not easy to say with just a few words of love. He is not only my lover, he understands everything about me. In this world, it is already very difficult to find love, let alone It is understanding. If I miss him, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I fully understand your worries, and I also thought that the road ahead will not be easy. But as long as I am with him, I have the courage to go on. Mom, I've never been afraid of anything in my life, but I'm afraid... afraid that we can't be together... don't force me, okay? Please."

In the face of family affection, parents always seem to be inferior to their children. Wu Yuling burst into tears, but she seemed to accept her fate. She said dejectedly, "You are determined to be with him, aren't you?"

Numerous scenes quickly flashed through my mind, the wind blowing the wheat waves, the concert, the same snow, the song Ji Songlin sang to him, and the colorful clouds and the evening wind...

"Yes..." Xu Chenyu raised his face, frowned, and thumped his chest heavily: "I can only listen to what is said here...or else, the pain will be overwhelming..."

It was raining in the yard, and the winter rain came and it was cold again. Ji Songlin had nowhere to hide from the rain, but he didn't want to leave, so he just squatted in the shade of a tree, smoking a cigarette, and looking at the small window on the 37th floor.

The wind was strong at night, and the smoke rings spit out were blown away before they formed. In the dark corner, only a slumped man and the faint sparks flickering at his fingertips could be seen.

The cigarette butt was twisted all over the ground, and after a while, it was washed away by the rain, mixed with scattered dead leaves, and flowed into the sewer.

I can't remember how many cigarettes this is, and I opened the cigarette case with a "snap", the inside was empty, just like Ji Songlin's heart, he scratched his hair irritably, and couldn't stop replaying the moment when he looked at Wu Yuling in his mind, Ji Songlin couldn't help thinking of his grandmother, he was a little scared...

At this moment, Ji Songlin missed Xu Chenyu so much, he was eager to see him, even if it was across the sea of ​​people and the 37th floor.

He got up suddenly, rushed out from under the shade of the tree, the cold rain poured on the top, the cold wind hardened his face, Ji Songlin just looked and looked, his neck was sore, the small window was still empty.

The security guard patrolling the community was holding a red umbrella. He raised his flashlight and asked vigilantly, "Who? Who's there?"

Ji Songlin suddenly looked back, caught off guard that his eyes were burned by the strong light, he raised his arms to cover his face.

"Are you a resident of the community?" The security guard raised his flashlight and advanced in an aggressive posture. He stepped carefully: "Why don't you talk?"

After getting used to the light a little, Ji Songlin took his arms away. He opened his mouth, but he felt that he couldn't speak. The feeling of nausea hit his throat, as if he would vomit in a second.

The security guard swung the flashlight up and down, and looked at Ji Songlin from head to toe. Even though he was drenched, his face was still handsome and handsome, and the security guard suddenly remembered that he had seen Ji Songlin.

It was still late autumn, Ji Songlin was holding a bunch of beautiful flowers in his arms, waiting for someone at the gate of the community.

"It's you, who didn't sleep at night and ran to the yard to get wet in the rain," the security guard said kindly, "Are you okay?"

Just as the voice reached Ji Songlin's ears, he suddenly squatted down, put one hand against the corner of the wall, and vomited violently, as if he wanted to vomit out his heart, liver, spleen and kidneys, but there was nothing in his stomach except acid water.

"Hey, don't vomit here," the security guard hurried over, grabbing Ji Songlin's arm: "Drink too much, this is..."