in love with my psychiatrist

It was night, after countless tender and lingering kisses and hugs with Qianyun, I felt much more at ease.

The next day, I accompanied Qianyun to the place where she participated in the seminar and defense.

Outside the main entrance, she kept looking at me and refused to go in.

I acted like a baby: "Okay, the time is almost up, if you don't go in, if you delay, I will be a big sinner."

She just said: "Qiqi, did you have something to do yesterday?"

"Huh?" I hid it.

"I feel that you had something on your mind yesterday."

As expected of a psychologist, all the clues could not escape her eyes.Under her gaze, it was impossible to lie.

I hurriedly explained: "Actually, it doesn't matter if I just meet an acquaintance. I thought you were busy, so I didn't tell you, so as not to distract you."

She smiled faintly: "Qiqi, if it's not important, why would I see that you have something on your mind? If it's not important, why would you deliberately keep me from knowing so as not to distract me?"

I froze for a moment.The gentle Qi Qianyun is so sharp at the moment, I'm actually a little timid.

Hehe smiled and hurriedly followed the hair: "Okay, dear, why are you so serious, you see, I am afraid of you like this! I just thought that there is no need to tell you, so as not to disturb your important things today. Wait, I'll tell you everything you want to know, but don't worry, don't think too much, for me, only you are the most important. Answer well, okay?"

Like a hedgehog whose thorns have been pulled out, she reluctantly came back gently, and gently kissed me on the face: "Wait for me."

I smiled and nodded obediently.Only then did she feel relieved to go in.

Watching her back until it disappeared into the door, I walked back slowly by myself, took out my phone, and saw the text message Zhu Fan sent me.

"Qiqi, I wanted to go back to China and have a good chat with you, but I heard that we will go to Luzern together in the next time, and I can't wait to see you alone first. I have some business with Feng Sheng today, and we will have dinner together later Okay? It's in the coffee shop downstairs in the hotel, I've reserved a private room inside."

Can't wait?Want to meet me first?have dinner together?Private room?Do you need to be so ambiguous?

I thought about it, and replied to him: "Zhufan, if it's work, we can meet, and personal matters will be waived. It's 10 yuan. I wanted to explain it to you face to face, but it's not necessary after thinking about it. It's very simple, I donated all of it to Yanzi Village Primary School, if you have any doubts, the local government has donation records to check."

During college, he and I jointly supported a boy in a remote mountainous area in the west called Yanzi Village.

As students from ordinary families, at that time, our finances were not well-off, and our ability to support was limited.

Later, when the boy went to junior high school, he dropped out of school because the school was too far away and the cost of living in the boarding school was too high.

At that time, Zhu Fan was very annoyed. He said: "When I have money in the future, I must subsidize part of it to build a middle school in Yanzi Village, so that those children don't have to go to school through mountains and mountains."

This was the moment when I fell in love with him.

This is also the reason why he never accepts or rejects my feelings, but I still wait for him without hesitation.

It was also later, when he made me finally give up, that he took 10 yuan from him in a fit of anger.

Yes, do what he promised for him, on the one hand, love you and become you, on the other hand, if you don't love me, then hate me.

At that time, I was stupid and naive.

On a cold street in Switzerland, I pressed the send button on my mobile phone and sent a text message refusing to meet him privately.

Soon, a text message from Zhu Fan came: "Qiqi, I already knew about the donation. You donated in my name. They wrote a letter of thanks, and it was written to me! How could I not know about you?" I really want to take away my 10 yuan. This is not what I want to tell you. Can you give me a chance to tell you about other things? After you listen, maybe At least you still want to treat me as a friend again?"

This statement surprised me. The Zhufan I knew before was not the kind of person who would talk to me like this. He was always deep and steady, taciturn and unpredictable.

other things?What's the matter?

I hesitated for a moment, and replied to him: "Okay."

At four o'clock in the afternoon, Zhu Fan called and he had already arrived.

When I came out of the hotel and went to the private room of the coffee shop, Zhu Fan was sitting with two small things in his hands. When he saw me go in, he held the small thing tightly in his hand, and with the other hand Waved to me: "Qiqi, it's still early, I ordered your favorite for you first..."

I looked at the delicate and compact table for two.

A cup of hot chocolate should have just been served, three macarons.

He has never done this for me. Before, even when I talked to him, he often turned a deaf ear to him and was absent-minded. Why is this happening now?

I smiled and said politely, "Thank you. What I like has already changed."

There are no more words.

Zhu Fan looked at me for a long time, then laughed and said, "Qiqi, you didn't ask me what I was going to say, and you didn't ask me how I changed from a stunned young man who went to work in the United States to the present Are you not even curious about the boss of a rookie company?"

Zhufan, do you really think that I am just a person who exists for your world?

It still hasn't changed, I've always been around you, what Zhufan likes to eat, what games Zhufan likes to play, what Zhufan said, what Zhufan is up to lately, what is Zhufan's ideal... ....

You are probably too used to my care and attention, so you think this is really a matter of course, and you think that this will definitely happen from the beginning to the end.

However, I have long since changed.

Since after waiting for you for five years, you told me you won't marry me, since I was heartbroken marrying someone I didn't love, since I made up my mind to leave that miserable marriage, and since I fell in love with a woman After being extremely confused, I finally felt that everything could be reborn...

Zhufan, do you know what I have been through?You never cared.

There was a heart-wrenching pain in my chest, probably the sequelae of those past events.

But still smiled: "Zhu Fan, it seems that not only have you never liked me, but you don't even know me at all."

He turned his head slightly, looked at me critically, paused and said, "Because I dare not like you, so I pretended not to understand you."

I was taken aback by this sentence. I looked at his expression carefully, trying to see some teasing clues, but he looked serious. I have never seen him look at me with such a serious expression. He used to be very serious. look at mine.

"What do you mean?" I tried to calm myself down.

"I know that you are a stubborn person. You are desperate when you love, and you will be completely disappointed when you are disappointed. I know that I have let you down."

He sighed, lowered his head slightly, stirred the small spoon in the coffee cup, with a self-deprecating smile on the corner of his mouth.

I looked sideways at the frost on the glass window, feeling cold and shivering in my heart.

It's true, I was puzzled, I turned around and kept looking at him, but he didn't look at me.

For a long time, he seemed to have made a decision, and stretched out his right hand that he had just clenched tightly to me. Inside were two small gadgets that I had never seen before. I stared at it: "What is this?"

"A cochlear implant." He smiled.

I didn't make a sound, and I had some strange premonitions in my heart. Women's intuition is usually too accurate. I felt that what Zhu Fan was about to tell me was putting me in a difficult situation, and I began to be at a loss.

"Have you ever heard of severe sensorineural deafness in both ears?" He asked me with a smile.

I shook my head and stared at him intently.

He raised his left hand slightly, pointed to his left ear, held his right hand again, raised it slightly, pointed to his right ear, looked at me and said: "Qiqi, this is the one I have never been able to love Your reason."

My head was buzzing.

"But I want to be your friend and be by your side. So I can't respond to you, but I'm selfish and unwilling to reject you. Please forgive me."

"I went to work in the United States because I wanted to go there to make money and treat at the same time. I had great hopes at that time, because my love for you supported me, so I asked you to wait selfishly."

"Until a year ago, I received monitoring from the American hospital again, telling me that the cochlear implant will no longer work, and I will slowly lose all my hearing. Slowly, my language ability will gradually weaken, maybe Before I'm old, I'll be deaf and dumb."

"I lost my last hope of being with you, so I can only snuff out your hope, so I went back to China to tell you, I won't marry anyone..."

"Zhu Fan, now you..."

Looking at him, I forgot the shock, only felt indescribably sad.

His face, which had been immersed in a heartbroken expression just now, became excited now. I have never seen such a childlike look of joy.

"Qiqi, I'm fine now, it's a miracle."

He smiled, as if reborn: "When I met you that time and returned to the United States, I thought that my life, which I had worked hard for nearly 30 years, began to fall from then on, but I didn't expect it to be a freshman. I met the noble person in my life."

"At that time, I won an award for my work. A newspaper reporter interviewed our colleagues. He even told about my illness. After the reporter reported it, he was seen by an expert who treated this case in the United States. Help me perform hearing surgery for free, which only has a [-]% success rate.”

"If I succeed, I will be like a normal person. If I fail, I will completely lose my hearing and language abilities immediately. At that time, I felt that I had nothing to lose, so I took a gamble and succeeded."

"At the same time, because of that award, a large construction company in the United States happened to set up a branch in China. They took a fancy to me, hired me to change jobs, and asked me to be the CEO of the Chinese company. I own 40.00% of the shares of the Chinese company. Enjoy the network resources of all American companies..."

No wonder, he used to be so taciturn; no wonder, when I chattered to him, he would often be absent-minded; no wonder, when I listened to him the music I liked, he would indifferently stop me from putting the earphones in his ears; no wonder , when we went abroad as exchange students in the summer vacation, when we crammed up English together, I found out why he had to listen to the English broadcast so loudly, why he had to read so loudly...

I thought it was all because he didn't like me, didn't like me enough, and I disturbed him.

I looked at his face as if in a dream.A moment of turmoil, confusion, and silence.One moment of joy for him, another moment of sorrow for us.I just feel that the hand of fate is really absurd.

Seeing my expression, he suddenly stopped talking, stretched out his hand, and held mine tightly.

"Qiqi, I work harder every day, and hope that one day, I can walk in front of you healthy and sound." Zhu Fan's eyes were full of affection that I had never seen before.

"But, according to Feng Sheng, I'm still late, right?" He looked at me: "Did I still miss you?"

My chest was so congested that I couldn't speak for a long time. It seemed like I had a thousand words. After a long time, I could only speak with difficulty: "Zhufan, tell me earlier, maybe we are not like this."

He smiled: "Qiqi, I have enough confidence in your firmness, but I'm not sure about myself. I can't harm you..."

"Zhu Fan, you always think yourself, how do you know that you are wishful thinking for my own good, not harming me! It is not harming the two of us!" Thinking of the painful marriage that most of them entered because of him, my heart is still full of tears. Can't bear to look back.

Knowing that he can't be blamed, knowing that he can't say clearly what is right or wrong, but still very angry.

He shook my cold hand tightly again: "So, if I make it up now, is it still too late, Qiqi?"

Now?It's too late, Zhu Fan, I'm sorry, I've already fallen in love with someone else, her name is Qi Qianyun.

This person named Qi Qianyun, she also loves me very much.

However, I opened my mouth, but couldn’t say anything, why is it so difficult, looking at his face as before, looking at his eyes full of expectations, thinking of the difficulties he has also experienced, and thinking of my love for him. I like it, I can't say it.

"It's okay." He forced a smile: "I'll wait for your answer, no matter how long, just like you waited for me back then, this is what I should pay back."

It can't be like this, I just opened my mouth to tell him, I will give you the answer now.

The mobile phone on the table rang suddenly, and I was taken aback, only to realize that my right hand was being held by Zhu Fan.

Looking at the flickering screen of the phone, it was Qianyun. I was even more panicked, and suddenly withdrew my hand, like a brat who committed a crime, as if being caught by an adult.

Full of fear and panic.