cute and cool

During the time when they first separated, Cheng Wang didn't have a good time.Breaking up did not bring the ease he imagined, but at the same time he knew clearly that they really couldn't go on.

Similarly, Qiao Beixin is not doing well.

There was a big event that year: During the Spring Festival of the second year, several key schools were required to organize a phalanx to participate in the performance.Their school already valued this kind of training, so naturally they paid more attention to it.

Qiao Beixin was good-looking and tall. He was selected from the very beginning, and he was assigned the most eye-catching position in the first row.

But when he finally participated in the report performance, Qiao Beixin did not appear in the queue.

During that time, he couldn't concentrate on training. He would slip away when standing in a military posture, and he was a little slow when shouting passwords. His energy was also very poor, and he had no energy to do anything.

Mistakes are not allowed on such an important occasion. After a few times, the instructor's expression gradually became impatient.

A few days later, Qiao Beixin was told that she no longer had to come to the queue for training.

They replaced him with someone else.

Qiao Beixin was reluctant to recall that time, not only because of the pain, but also because of the embarrassing and hopeless appearance at that time.

Who would have thought?Missing such an opportunity in the long-awaited university, his first reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief.

Ambition is gone, ambition is gone, energy is gone.Like many of his peers, he dreamed of everything before he came to college, and he was really dawdling when he really lived the life of a college student.

In that semester's exam, Qiao Beixin even failed one of the exam papers, scoring only 58 points.

That exam is really difficult, and every year there will be one or two students who fail to pass the paper.

Qiao Beixin also had it in that year.Their class is a small class, with a total of 35 students. Except for him, there are 4 other students who failed the roll.

More than ever.

The teacher of this course is a highly respected professor, he is rigorous and has a serious temper. Several students who failed were called to the office by him to severely criticize them.

Qiao Beixin had never experienced this before, and she really couldn't bear it at the time.

Fortunately, although the teacher was strict, he still took their usual grades into consideration, and the combination with the test scores was barely enough.

The school will send the transcripts to the parents of the students every semester. Qiao Beixin could have stopped them, but he didn't. After receiving them, he honestly handed them over to Liang Yilan.

The final scores of each subject are not high, the highest score is 89 points, and the lowest score is 71 points.

For college students who always only require passing grades, this grade is enough, but it shouldn't happen to Qiao Beixin.

Liang Yilan took the report card with a smile, looked at it for a few times, then the smile disappeared slowly, and finally frowned tightly.

It was rare for the always gentle woman to get angry. She threw a thin piece of paper on the armrest of the sofa and fluttered to the ground.

She suppressed all the emotions in her heart and only waved to her son.

Qiao Beixin picked up the report card and said "I'm sorry" dryly.

These three words completely angered Liang Yilan, the woman's voice trembled, and she asked sharply, "Son, when will you grow up?!"

Qiao Beixin frowned and said, "I've grown—"

Seeing his mother's mournful expression, he suddenly couldn't continue.

Liang Yilan has always been cheerful and optimistic.

God did not give her a happy life.Young and sick, just married and lost her husband, she raised her son to grow up alone, and when she finally reached the age when she should enjoy the blessings, her body couldn't hold on anymore.

But she seldom expressed her complaints about the injustice of fate.She has always loved life and is always full of enthusiasm.

Over the years, Qiao Beixin has only seen her mother lose her composure once.

During the parent-teacher meeting in the second day of junior high school, the teacher tactfully expressed to her that she hoped that she would stop selling things at the school gate in the future, which would really have a great impact on the popularity of the child in the class.

The second gaffe was this time.

"I've never lost my temper with you because of your academic performance. When you first entered high school, you couldn't keep up with the progress at work, you weren't used to the teacher's teaching methods, and you failed the exams a few times. It doesn't matter." Liang Yilan took a deep breath, her lips trembling, "Life is not easy, so I don't think academic performance is so important that I lose my temper with my son..."

The woman snatched the report card from Qiao Beixin's hand, and even poked a hole in it with her fingers.

She didn't know whether it was sadness or pain, and there were tears in her eyes that could not be suppressed.

"Qiao Beixin, tell me, what's the matter with your grade..." She wiped away her tears, stopped being harsh, and only asked in a low voice, "Did you really not understand? Is this class so hard?" To what extent can you get such a score?!"

"..." Qiao Beixin couldn't answer.

of course not.

He can't judge whether he can learn it, because he can't learn it at all.

Nothing could make sense of his chaotic thoughts, everything distracted him and he couldn't concentrate.

Not only that, but from a certain moment, Qiao Beixin realized that she was actually afraid of going home.

But he had to go home, he had to go back to take care of his frail mother.

Every time he came to that high-speed rail station, he couldn't help but think of how many times the boy who used to see him off here.

During the short walk back home from the high-speed rail station, every step he took was like stepping on a knife, and the pain made him almost unable to hold on.

He had nowhere to vent, and he couldn't confide in anyone. Pain and sorrow lingered in his heart repeatedly, eroding him like a black hole.

But who can blame these?

Blame the mother for being seriously ill?Or blame your lover for leaving?

No, he could only blame himself if he wanted to.

You can only blame him for not being able to do anything, you can only blame him for being powerless.

After a while, Liang Yilan finally calmed down. She said slowly, "Son, do you know why I kept stopping Aunt Huan from telling you?"

She half closed her eyes, shook her head slightly and said, "I'm just afraid of this..."

No one knows her son better than her, he is filial and sensible, but...

"You are too young, child..." the woman said painfully, "There are some things you can't resist, and Mom doesn't need you to carry them."

At this moment, Qiao Beixin was startled to realize that the same tiredness as Cheng Wang appeared on her mother's face.

"There are some things that you think you can get through by gritting your teeth, but no, no...you are too fragile, child."

These words seemed to pour cold water on Qiao Beixin's head, making him tremble uncontrollably.

The mood from a few years ago flashed through Qiao Beixin's head.

He bit his lip with great force, and the place where he bit him turned white quickly.

The tip of his tongue twirled around in his mouth, and finally he chose to lightly reveal that paragraph, and simply said: "I thought about a lot of things, but there were some things I couldn't figure out... Later, Xiao Wang, you might not even think of it, some The thing, I actually realized it after hearing what my mother said."

He turned around and sat cross-legged on the carpet, facing Cheng Wang.His eyes were fixed on Cheng Wang's fingers, and he didn't have the courage to touch them, so he could only desperately suppress the anxiety and throbbing in his heart.

"At the beginning, I didn't think much about why we separated," Qiao Beixin's voice was a little hoarse, "I didn't dare to think about it, but it simply boiled down to the fact that there were too many things going on at that time, I couldn't be with you, and I couldn't talk. If I can't express my concern for you, it will only make you disappointed, wronged, and sad. Then one time, maybe I really looked so bad that my mother couldn't stand it anymore. We chatted for a while, listening She said something, and then I seemed to suddenly understand."

He raised his head, looked at Cheng Wang for a moment, and said, "We... in that situation, we will be separated sooner or later, because we are not the same kind of people."

Cheng Wang looked at him suspiciously.

"Or, we are completely opposite." Qiao Beixin changed the way of saying, "How to put it - you seem to be naive, you don't understand anything, and you look like you were spoiled and brought up. Maybe you Can't do housework, can't take care of myself, always gets sick—"

Having said that, Qiao Beixin pushed his legs away with his palms, pressed towards Cheng Wang's lower abdomen, and rubbed them very lightly.

Later, he said: "It seems that you need someone to take care of you everywhere, but in fact, you are independent and strong in your heart, and you rarely rely on others. I... I am just the opposite."

Qiao Beixin lowered her head, looked at the ground, and said bitterly, "I'm completely different from you. I thought I was independent, I thought I was strong, and I thought I could take good care of the people I love. But in reality? In fact, I am weaker than anyone else, and I can't bear anything... I have been relying on you all this time."

As if finally crushed by the burden on her body, Qiao Beixin fell forward, pressing her forehead against the mattress next to Cheng Wang's knee.

He said: "The more you want to do something, the less you can do it; the more you fear what will happen, the more you will screw things up."

Cheng Wang reached out and stroked the hair on the back of Qiao Beixin's head.

Probably due to the nature of his work, his hair was cut even shorter, and the hair was hard, making it a bit sticky to the touch.

Cheng Wang thought for a long time in silence, then tilted his head after a while, showing a meaningless, shallow smile.

He patted Qiao Beixin on the shoulder, and leaned back on the bed. He thought about what he wanted to say, and said, "Little Qiao, I seem to understand... I can finally put all these emotions together... Woke up."

Cheng Wang didn't want to understand many things, as if he still didn't understand, the summer vacation after the third year of high school, they were so good, Cheng Wang was neither bored nor too sweet.But the same way of getting along, why did he only make him escape after he went to college.

He omitted the entanglement in the middle, and said straight to the point: "At first, I felt that there was no space for myself."

Qiao Beixin propped her face with her arms, lying on the edge of the bed, and listened quietly to Cheng Wang's words.

"At that time, I just vaguely felt that you took love too seriously. As for me, I don't know if I was really too in love at the time, or if I was influenced by you... I also put love first But it’s not what I want.” Cheng Wang had a troubled look on his face, “I’m afraid of this——I’m afraid that you occupy too much of my life, and I’m afraid that you are the only one in my world. The reverse is also the same, I am also afraid that you will be like this, I am afraid that there is only me in your world."

After saying this, Cheng Wang shook his head and repeated again: "I can't accept it, I can't bear it, I don't want this."

He looked at Qiao Beixin, as if to confirm whether he could understand, "This kind of feeling... is too heavy, I can't bear it, it's about to overwhelm me. Xiao Qiao, I think you can feel it , I have been alienating you for a while."

Qiao Bei paused for two seconds, then nodded slightly.

Cheng Wang said, "Perhaps since then, it has been..."

After thinking about it, he still couldn't use euphemistic words to describe the small crack that appeared at that time. Fortunately, Qiao Beixin also understood, and he said "um".

"But in fact, these are all okay, Xiao Qiao, these are actually okay. Can you understand that when you are sweet, everything you see is good, and shortcomings can also become advantages. You want to occupy my life, You want to stay with me all the time, all of this is fine. But, but—" Cheng Wang sniffed, bit his lower lip, and his vision became blurred again. ’ would scare me, make me feel scared.”

He confirmed to the person in front of him again: "Little Qiao, can you understand?"

Qiao Beixin looked at him and reached out to help him wipe away his tears.

Cheng Wang has a tendency to tear incontinence, and the tears don't stop once they fall.

Qiao Beixin twisted her fingers, and the tear was quickly wiped away without leaving any trace.

"I understand..." Qiao Beixin said, "I value you too much, and because of... various reasons at that time, the thread in my heart was broken, and I couldn't bear this sudden blow. I want to take on the responsibility of protecting my mother, but I can't take it, it's almost crushing me... Later, I didn't realize my fragility, and I didn't realize my dependence on you, so I dumped all these emotions on you ..."

Love presumably amplifies people's emotions.Double the sweetness, double the bitterness.

When life is dominated by sweet love, people in love will not feel that there is any problem; and when love is full of sourness, young children often cannot bear such double negative emotions.

Qiao Beixin was at a loss for words.

He turned his head and looked at the carpet in a daze.One didn't pay attention, a transparent drop of water dripped onto his pants, and was instantly sucked dry by the cotton cloth.

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The author has something to say:

Guess someone may ask when will the reconciliation be made, it should be within the last five chapters, and the reconciliation is not far from the end.