perfect out of control

X month X day, X year. Sunny

After getting the script, Uncle Jie said that this is only the first edition, and may be revised before the official launch, but this first draft alone is enough to shock me, it is such a play, I have acted in "Thunderstorm" in the theater, and also " Long Journey in the Night, I shouldn’t think this script is difficult. I think it’s difficult because the person who plays opposite me is brother Tan Zhen. The younger brother whom my elder brother adores turned out to be such a play. I don’t know if I was overthinking it, or if the script is really like this. Is it the dreams he can't talk about, that's why he feels that certain aspects of the script are too bold?

X month X day, X year. Sunny

I went to Uncle Jie’s house today. He probably didn’t expect me to come to him. He opened the door and saw that I was stunned, and I was also stunned. This is my dad’s good buddy. The middle-aged uncle who smokes, the two of them can become friends because of the fact that the north and south poles of a magnet attract each other.

Uncle Jie didn’t seem to want to invite me in. His house was in such a mess, and I didn’t want to go in at all. He asked me why I came, so I asked him straight to the point what kind of feelings Kong Xinghe had for Yan Fei. Uncle Jie didn’t like it. Ask me patiently, haven't you read the script?I said I read it, but it was not clearly stated in the script.He said: "If it is not clearly stated in the script, outsiders will not know it, and it is impossible for us to know it. As a director, I can only record it." I think he has a bit of gangster logic, but I can't refute it.

I said but I am an actor, I need to know.He said that is your business, let me go back and figure it out by myself.

It’s not that I didn’t get a notebook with a lot of blank space, but when I was in school, the teacher would take everyone to discuss, study, and analyze the characters. Uncle Jie actually asked me, a person who has never made a movie, to go back and figure it out by myself, which is too irresponsible. Alright.

The point is that the script is too ambiguous and ambiguous, what if I make a mistake?

If he makes a mistake, he can only act in the wrong direction. It doesn't matter if he makes a mistake, because even if I figure it out wrong, no one will know.

"If a person's feelings are not spoken, there will never be a correct answer."

I quite agree with this sentence, but Kong Xinghe's feelings for Yan Fei are just unspoken, and it's not that he can't understand it, but I can't understand it now.

Uncle Jie said that he might not understand, so he closed the door and sent me back.

X, X, X, X. Overcast

I wanted to ask Brother Tan Zhen in the past, but I found that I couldn't ask him. Kong Xinghe and Yan Fei, their feelings for each other have never been revealed on the surface.This pair of brothers is really strange. Living under the same roof, they have been together day and night for so many years, talking about everything. They seem to understand each other very well and are intimate, but they seem to be hiding something, and they are always in the closest place. In the details, there is a sense of taboo.

From the script, I can't see how Kong Xinghe thinks of Yan Fei, let alone how Yan Fei thinks of Kong Xinghe. Brother Tan Zhen and I have to guess, but we can't discuss it, otherwise we will act badly It's too clear, we can't act too clear.

X, X, X, X. Overcast

I received a WeChat message from Uncle Jie today. It was quite a few paragraphs, and it was written unexpectedly seriously. He is so informal that he didn't even use punctuation marks wrongly.

He asked me if I still remember "Little Shop by the Sea", and said that the script was also a typical blank script. The boss played by your dad didn't even have a name, but your dad never asked me how to act. Directors and screenwriters have quarreled because of differences in understanding of roles.I won't talk about directors, screenwriters, and actors. Who should listen to whom? It's fair to say that the public is right and the woman is right, but your father thinks that good actors have the right to interpret the role, so you shouldn't ask the question like that day The problem, because you are Kong Xinghe, you must have this kind of momentum to become a good actor.

If my dad is still alive, he should be the one who told me these words.

From my birth to his death, we lived together for more than 20 years, but it seemed like we talked nonsense day after day, we quarreled over trifles, a few days, more than ten days of cold war, without saying a word, just wasted like this After more than 20 years, I didn't even learn a little acting experience from him.

We're father and son, we both love acting, it's a real shame, Dad.

X, X, X, X. Overcast

I searched for ALS on the Internet, and it was very uncomfortable to watch. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I asked the screenwriter Mr. Shen Tu. She should have known something before writing this script. She suggested that I go and see those real ALS. patients, but I am afraid that my impure motives will hurt them.

X month X day, X year. Sunny

Unexpectedly, brother Tan Zhen asked me on WeChat if I would like to go with him to a nursing home to visit patients with frostbite. If he accompanied me, I would not be so afraid.I really want to ask him, do the patients know that we are visiting them because we are going to make a movie? I hope they know, otherwise I always feel that I am cheating and using them, but if they know, will they feel comfortable?

X month X day, X year. Sunny

This afternoon I went to a nursing home in the suburbs with Brother Tan Zhen. Brother Tan only brought his assistant, Brother Liu, and then me. There were no other staff members or followers. I was relieved. We all hope to keep a low profile as much as possible. Tan Zhen The car I was riding in today was also a low-key BMW X3.The car picked me up on the side of the road opposite my community, and I waited there ahead of time. When Brother Tan Zhen called me and said "I saw you", he was inexplicably agitated. There were still many people waiting at the bus stop on the roadside. , I was a little unsure when I saw the ocean blue SUV approaching, the window of the co-driver was lowered, Brother Tan stretched out his hand holding the phone and waved at me.

I was still in a daze when I got in the car, looking at the people waiting for the car passing by, I really wanted to roll down the window and shout to them: "Look, Tan Zhen!!"

Because I was going to see a patient, yesterday my mother accompanied me to the supermarket to choose something, most of which were nutritional supplements, and I didn’t know if it was suitable. Brother Liu asked me what I mentioned, and I said it was for the patient. I laughed and said that there is no shortage of these over there, I am also very embarrassed, mainly because I don't know what to give to patients with ALS.Little Brother Liu said that it’s okay if you don’t give it away, but Brother Tan Zhen turned around and said it’s okay, it’s also your wish.

Alas, he is really nice.Does he turn around like this when the people in the front row and the back row talk?

Brother Tan Zhen dressed very casually today, even wearing glasses, but when he entered the nursing home, someone still heard that it was Tan Zhen who came, which caused some onlookers and commotion.

The environment of the nursing home is very good. There are many patients who are paralyzed or unable to take care of themselves and need to be cared for. Judging by the conditions here, the price must be high. Alas, if Kong Xinghe comes to that day, it is impossible for Kong Xinghe to come to such a place.

Brother Liu is right. Families who can afford a nursing home of this size should not lack the things I sent.

The patients and family members were very excited to see Brother Tan Zhen. To my surprise, they did not look like rich people. Whether it was Uncle Wang who suffered from ALS, or his wife, Aunt Lu, they all dressed very simply. , it may be that the disease and the cost of the nursing home have emptied their savings.Uncle Wang can still speak now, but only one hand is left on his upper body, and he needs someone to take care of him around the clock, but Aunt Lu still has to go to work.

Because the focus was on Brother Tan Zhen, I also relaxed a lot, and I was able to quietly listen to him talking with Aunt Wang Shulu.After listening to their conversation for a while, I realized that Brother Tan does not need to have close contact with ALS patients. The person who needs to get in touch with and understand is me, and I am going to play the ALS patients.Maybe it’s because I didn’t speak much, but Brother Tan asked a lot of questions for me. It’s very difficult to ask these questions. I can feel that he has always been careful. Aunt Lu even asked him if you want to play a patient with ALS. ?I really don't want to disappoint them, but if Brother Tan looked at me on the spot and said that this person was acting, I would feel embarrassed for them, and I would die of embarrassment.Fortunately, Brother Tan just said that I played the family members of patients with ALS.Aunt Lu asked if that was your girlfriend or wife?I asked this because she and Uncle Wang are husband and wife, Brother Tan Zhen glanced at me, we were so embarrassed at that time!

In fact, most of the time Tan Zhen asked questions that were not related to the illness, but more about everyday topics, such as work, life, and family... This disease is irreversible. If one person gets sick, the whole family must bear the burden. It is a heavy burden, but after getting close to them, I realized that human beings are really strong. They still live like ordinary people. They are so happy to see big stars, and they can talk freely. I have underestimated the strength of unfortunate people.

Only before we left, Aunt Lu sent us out to Brother Tan Zhen's car, and said "thank you" several times to Brother Tan Zhen, her eyes were red.

Although I didn't have much direct communication with them throughout the whole process, I really benefited a lot. When I read the script for the first time, I thought Kong Xinghe should be a sad character. Now I feel that it would be a big mistake to act like that. Very wrong.He should still be what a teenager should be, yes he tasted the taste of sadness earlier than most of his peers, but puberty will come, his body is slowly destroying, but it is also thriving He can experience what other people of the same age can experience at this age, but outside of these experiences, the shadow of death is always dormant.This is a very special period. It may be difficult for him to tell whether death has the upper hand or puberty has the upper hand, but it is impossible for a person to be immersed in sorrow 24 hours a day. If that is the case, it is not sorrow. Today he feels disheartened because of the numbness of his body, but tomorrow he will feel the fearless courage brought to him by the unique hormones of puberty because of a movie or a novel.

And Yan Fei, there may be many moments when Kong Xinghe will feel that although his life is doomed to be short, meeting this person is already a blessing in three lives, and there will be no regrets in death.In his adolescence there was no one else, no other boy, no other girl, he had only his brother, to whom he projected all his affections.

Did I guess you right, Kong Xinghe?