last raving

When I was chased and beaten by my classmates after countless deaths, I shouted your name and asked you to save me, because I hope you will protect me when I need you, because I hope I can rely on you, although you He always just looked at me with a sad face and laughed at me.

Once I made you angry, the reason made me dumbfounded, because I openly laughed at you in the classroom as a shou, and then you just said that you were not, I didn't notice your blunt tone, and you kept on being cheap Said, you are, you are suffering~ Then you pushed me back with a straight face, I fell on the stools of myself and my deskmate, my bones hit the edge of the wood, you don’t care, I grinned and begged you for mercy "It hurts, hurts, hurts", then grabbed my hands with your hands, pressed me with your whole body, and warned me in your cold tone: "There are some things, don't talk nonsense." Next, you turned your head away chicly, I stood up in embarrassment, didn't know what to say, and ran out of the classroom in desperation.

We often quarrel, many times, countless times, mostly because of my fragile and sensitive heart, because of your indifference, which makes me at a loss, I don't want myself to be so unimportant in your eyes, so when you are indifferent to me Sometimes, when you push me away, I tell myself to be self-aware, to stay away from you, and not to put a hot face on a cold ass.

When I am so excited and want to share my fun with you, you will reply indifferently with "Oh", when I chat with you, you will turn your head and put on the shoulders of other girls, and when I have conflicts with others, you will look forward to you comforting me Give me a blank stare...

When we quarrel, you always go to H in front of me, you are also very good friends, you can always make everyone like you easily, see you talking and laughing, but I can't match Words, you said so happily, I became the most redundant person in the world.

After I quarreled with you, I told others about you almost every day. I got angry and told others that I hate you. I hypnotized myself. I really hate you. You hate me to death, but I didn’t realize it , Nine out of ten sentences I said were about you.

Without your cheap voice, without your gentle smile, without your chasing after me, without your gentle good night, I miss you crazily, want to talk to you, want to see you smile at me, I want to hug you... but you act like nothing happened. I am like nothing to you. I have no influence on you. After you quarreled with me, you never talked about me. Once None, still smiling so heartlessly, still surrounded by fans.

I am a little desperate, so in the suffering of thinking about you and hurting my self-esteem, I live like a year. Every time I apologize to you first, I humbly ask you to give me your friendship again, I hope I can talk to you, and You play around, make shameless jokes with you, I want to watch you laughing because of me, like quietly watching you making trouble in front of me... What comforts me is that every time you I would gladly accept my apology every time, and even once, we signed a "quarrel treaty" and agreed not to talk to each other for a long time. Once I was arrogant and forced you to give me a reconciliation gift, and you gave it without saying a word I have a box of chocolates.

Then we asked me to take a walk on the playground together after evening self-study and class, made some explicit jokes, knocked my head quietly from behind, and framed others... As the relationship with you gradually warmed up, I It seems that H is ignored, and you are a sun that shines on the earth, and H likes you more and more, maybe I am a little dissatisfied?I have no idea.

The three of us are together, but when three of us walk together, one person must be alone. I don’t want to be you, and I don’t want to be H, so I would rather be alone.But I have never done it. When you chat with me excitedly, I will look at your squinted eyes and chat with you; when you deliberately tease me, I will chase you in the classroom regardless of the image. ..

Later things became a little complicated, H told me, she likes you, it's love.I was shocked, and then laughed, pretending not to believe what she said, and I really don't want to believe it, one is the person I like, and the other is my best friend.Then I was very sad to find that H was extremely serious, telling her secret to me as my best friend in the most sincere tone... I was stunned, and then with complicated emotions, comforted her who was embarrassed Say, I think you like her a lot, how different you are to her, how good you two are...

She fulfilled her wish to be at the same table with you, and I deliberately distanced myself from you, suppressed the heart that once loved you almost crazy, immersed myself in the textbook, and stopped responding to your jokes so cheaply before. I will find fault with you again, and slowly you will be quiet, we will no longer fight in the dormitory, but the good night is always there.

You and H get along well, I am happy for H, because I can see that you like her very much, at least you never reply to the messages I send you, but you have a good conversation with her, she showed me Your chat records, looking at your dense chat records, my heart twitched, maybe twice?I have no idea.I smiled and said to H, M is really good to you!Except for S, she seems to chat with you the most!

You will also quarrel, and after the quarrel, H will talk to me, and I will act as a peacemaker, busy trying to persuade the two of you to reconcile, and help H to show you how good you are, so that you can reconcile with her.Once, at noon on a certain day when I didn’t know you were arguing, H and I went to have lunch together, and when we heard JJ Lin’s smiling eyes playing on the school radio, I hummed along, and when I looked back, H burst into tears With a full face, I panicked and asked her what was wrong, but I knew it must be because of you.

She told me that you had a fight and you ignored her all morning, and when she heard this song, she felt like she lost you and was very sad.I hurriedly apologized to her, and then kept comforting her.Then you find me, let me give you some advice, let me tell you how to comfort H, let me help you enlighten H...Look, the things you would never do for me before, for H, you have done .

After countless times of persuasion, facing the dispute between the two of you again, I lost my temper. I have experienced this kind of thing too much, and I have become numb, but I am still jealous and irritable in my heart. I am fierce to you, bluntly Let you swallow what you want to say, I said don't ask me about your affairs, I don't want to care about anything.You were surprised at first, then muffled away.

You reconciled, and then changed positions, you are no longer at the same table, and you have been cold to me since then, it seems that the enthusiasm in the past has never existed, I am very grateful to H, during that time, in my diary It’s no longer all about you, it’s about the two of you, about learning, about myself, and you don’t always appear in my dreams, the dreams that made me panic, the dreams that made my heart beat faster, have gone Long time no show.

In the dormitory, we no longer wantonly push each other down, no longer wanton jokes, I try to go out earlier or later than you, the two figures that used to be side by side have become two separate figures, I don’t know what I should do Whether you are happy or sad for H, you know that H likes you, but you still maintain an unclear attitude, you will still tease her, but you will also appropriately extinguish the hopes she shouldn't have.

You changed your seat and sat next to H in the self-study class, and became the same table again, then H blushed, his mind drifted away from the textbook, he lowered his head to do homework, and occasionally chatted with you, H's tablemate There is nothing to love about her face, because it is actually H who forced her to tell you that she wants to change seats with you.You looked at H's shy face, and said to her provocatively, don't think I don't know, I know everything.Then she was like a child who was found to have eaten ice cream, at a loss, and then chatted with me and asked me what to do, how did I know what to do?My dear M, if it were you, what would you do?

One time during the break before evening repairs, I went out of the dormitory with you and walked side by side, but we had nothing to talk about before. Thinking of H's flustered expression, I thought I should say something for H,

Let me ask you, do you know that H likes you?

You say, I know.

I said, then why do you treat her like this and pretend you don't know anything?Have you always been like this to people who like you?

You asked me in a somewhat annoyed tone, "Then what do you think I should do? Be with her? Then what? Can the two women have children?" I was speechless, lowered my head, and said to you lightly, "I'm sorry. I don't know." All I know is that you are right, no one can win your heart, as long as she is a woman.

In the days that followed, H's grades plummeted. She told her mother that she liked you. Her mother is a very rare and good mother who always encouraged her to get out of the shadows. I also comforted her and gave her some peace and happiness. Advice for getting along with you.In the end she seemed to be successful, however, I was not happy because she gave up, and my quiet heart was stirred up by you again.

H said she wanted to experience life, so she also came to stay, and she came to our dormitory.You seem to have your old enthusiasm for me again, flirting with me in the dormitory every day, you know I can’t resist, I know H will be very sad, but I can’t control myself, I’m obsessed with your hair fragrance , obsessed with your body temperature, I enjoy playing with you time.Finally H couldn't stand our intimacy and moved out.I am very guilty, but I feel very happy, because you have become the M again, the M that I miss.

The author has something to say: Daily life with sugar in the dregs~