you are unspeakable

Wang Qi thought that he would live alone in a rented house for the rest of his life, and might move because the landlord was unwilling to rent it out, but he didn't expect that the first time he moved after graduation was because he wanted to live with his partner.This is a very common choice for many ordinary people, but it is a future that Wang Qi dare not imagine.Even though Wang Qi still has so many worries about gains and losses in his heart, there are still countless uncertainties buried in him and the overwhelming fear of being suddenly gifted with a huge treasure, but Li Xinglu won't know, because Wang Qi won't say anything, he will put The best side is shown in front of Li Xinglu, and he agrees to all his requests.

Where is the house rented, how big is the square footage, what is the decoration style, what kind of furniture do you need to buy, when will you move... everything is up to Li Xinglu to decide, he has no dissatisfaction, every good word he says is from inner heart.

The day before the move, Wang Qi and Li Xinglu were sitting on the sofa in their new home, looking at the sky outside the window, Li Xinglu asked him.

"Do you like this house?"

"I like it." Wang Qi replied without thinking.

"How much do you like it?"

Wang Qi smiled, and after a long while, he said slowly: "Here, for the first time, I feel that the word future can be concretized."

After he finished speaking, the smile on the corner of his mouth did not fade for a long time.

Li Xinglu was fascinated, turned his face, covered his eyes, and kissed his lips.

There are not many things that the two men need to move when they live together, at least Wang Qi has very few things. He just brings his usual clothes there. He has lived in Xuancheng for five years, but Wang Qi has not left much in this city. More of their own things.

For him, the word belonging hardly ever appears in his life.

Wang Qi thought for a long time, but did not return the rent of his original house. The reason for keeping it was not to give himself a way out, but just worried that if he could not control his emotions well one day, he would have a place to bear his badness.

They lived together in such a logical way, and the rent was borne by Li Xinglu. The rent of this house around the city center was so high that Wang Qi could not afford it, but under his insistence, the water and electricity were paid by himself, which made Wang Qi Feeling slightly more at ease in a two-bedroom house, they have a room each, and haven't been together long enough for either of them to talk about sex.

But there's no denying that both feel comfortable with each other.

Li Xinglu doesn't come back every day, but as long as he comes back, Wang Qi can eat hot meals. The warm feeling of the world makes his heart slowly calm down, but Wang Qi comes back here every day , he took medicine on time and went to consultation regularly. This short period of two months seemed to heal his emptiness of 27 years.

Until one day Li Xinglu saw Wang Qi's medicine.

Although it was a matter of time, and although Wang Qi had already prepared an explanation, seeing Li Xinglu's deep eyes, Wang Qi's heart skipped a beat.

"I remember I asked you, but you haven't given me an answer." Li Xinglu poured him a glass of water, stroked his back, and comforted him: "Now, can you tell me?" , although my guess is almost the same."

When they talked about this, the weather was already very hot. The middle and late July was the hottest time in Xuancheng, but the air conditioner in the house was fully turned on, and there was a glass of ice water in the water glass. Wang Qi took a big sip of water , He lowered his head and put down the cup, he didn't dare to look at Li Xinglu's face.

"I'm sick, depressed, about five or six years, you're right, many years ago, I used to self-mutilate," Wang Qi said every word that made his throat sting, but he wanted to continue Going on, maybe Li Xinglu won't accept him anymore, but he is even more unwilling to lie to him: "I have been treated intermittently, and now I insist on taking medicine and seeing a psychiatrist."

Li Xinglu was silent for a while.

"Why did you get this disease? It's..." He seemed to be hesitating whether to ask, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was something else, anyway, Li Xinglu asked, "Have you experienced anything bad?"

"What have you experienced..." Wang Qi gave a wry smile, then slowly shook her head: "No, I grew up in a mediocre way, my childhood was neither miserable nor lacking in food and drink, my grades were stable, and I was never bullied , I don't know...why suddenly, I fell ill."

Inexplicable sadness, inexplicable tears, inexplicable insomnia and irritability, inexplicable emptiness and boredom, too many inexplicable, Wang Qi can no longer think about and explore why they come from, and can only passively bear these negative and hopeless emotions , dark everything.

How could Li Xinglu understand the pain that he couldn't even understand?

Li Xinglu really couldn't understand.

Before Wang Qi, the depression patient he had come into contact with was Liu Wen. At that time, Liu Wen was pitiful but also surprisingly strong. He was clearly in the abyss but was always trying to save himself. It was his contradictory temperament that made him feel deeply Attracting Li Xinglu, the young, frivolous and full of sense of justice has a full desire to protect Liu Wen—this feeling is about the same as when Li Xinglu met Wang Qi for the first time, but between them The time is different.

Liu Wen's illness was severe, and Li Xinglu, who shared the same dormitory with Liu Wen, had seen him crying in despair and self-harming helplessly several times, but Liu Wen did not give up on himself. He insisted on treatment, exercise, medication, and doing what he could Everything that makes me better, after many years, the teenager who was trapped by depression has now become a doctor who can treat depression.

Liu Wen's illness stemmed from his unfortunate childhood. His parents divorced, and Liu Wen was sentenced to his mother. However, his mother was in pain and anger because of the failed marriage, drinking heavily, beating and scolding him, and finally committed suicide at home when he was 12 years old. Liu Wen was taken to his father's side, but his remarried father couldn't give Liu Wen too much love and care. The sense of insecurity under the fence made Liu Wen finally break out in college and suffer from severe depression.

However, Liu Wen did not admit defeat. He interpreted this sentence with his own experience——Those who cannot beat me will eventually make me stronger.

Li Xinglu feels sorry for Liu Wen and appreciates Liu Wen.

So Li Xinglu couldn't understand Wang Qi, why would someone who was not injured get this disease.

Yes, why.

Probably because of being too cowardly.

Probably because it's really empty.

Probably because the heart is really too fragile.

Li Xinglu used to have sympathy and admiration for the depression group, but after Wang Qi, the admiration gradually faded.

That's the end of the day's conversation. Wang Qi talked about his past to the point, flat and boring. Li Xinglu nodded lightly, expressing his understanding.

Li Xinglu is still the original Li Xinglu, a nearly perfect boyfriend.

He will still take Wang Qi to play, to eat, to watch movies together, these things that ordinary couples will check in.

These Wang Qi's countless firsts.

Consultation with Dr. Liu was carried out regularly, and it was already winter, and the weather was very cold. It was the first snow in early winter, and Wang Qi walked slowly from home to Liu Wen's consulting room.

When passing by a dessert shop, Wang Qi stopped to take a closer look at the desserts sold in the shop.

He has indeed changed, he has become able to pay attention to his surroundings, and he is no longer the lonely person immersed in his own dead world.

These changes are all because of Li Xinglu, because every time Li Xinglu comes back, he will bring him something, most of which are desserts, ice cream, and sometimes Fuji pastries.

Yesterday, Li Xinglu just brought home a Fuji pastry, this time it is the fruit series, a box of pastries shaped into various fruits, the prosperity of summer, the fruit of winter.

Wang Qi ate two, and the rest planned to go back to eat after seeing the doctor. He gradually didn't hate sweets so much. Although he still felt sick after eating, he rarely vomited. He chose to go back to eat later because of today Li Xinglu has an appointment with a friend, and he may come back very late, so even if he can't stand throwing up, Li Xinglu won't find out.

Wang Qi doesn't care if Li Xinglu will introduce him to his friends, what's the importance of these?He allowed his own private space to exist, just like he would not tell Li Xinglu that his original house would not be rented out.

Liu Wen didn't change much, but he keenly noticed the changes in Wang Qi. The patient in front of him was changing little by little in a good direction.

"How's your meal?"

"Very well, I have three normal meals, and I can eat more when he cooks for me."

"What about the medicine? Have you insisted on taking it?"

"Well, I insisted on taking it, and didn't stop the medicine without permission."

"How was the sleep?"

"I can fall asleep after taking the medicine. Although I can only sleep for four or five hours, it's enough." Wang Qi smiled from the bottom of her heart: "Compared to before...it's much better."

Liu Wen was very relieved, but at the same time he was also very worried. He said: "I am very glad that you are recovering, but there is a lot of uncertainty in love. Maybe, you will break up. If there is such a day, what will you do? Change again. Is it the same? I think this is not the purpose of our final treatment."

Wang Qi was very calm, he said: "I know there is no eternity, I accept disappearance, I can only try my best to ensure that I will not choose death easily before everything disappears, I am not afraid of death, I am just afraid of harm, his departure will not It’s hurt, at least he’s here, I’ve seen the sun.”

Liu Wen's hand holding the pen froze.

The patient in front of him knew himself well.

He is sick and accepts that the illness may be with him for the rest of his life.

He's open-minded... people can't judge.

Yeah, breakups don't hurt.

Deception is.

It is the fighter who fights with the sword, the blood left by stepping on the thorns will turn into roses, and the fighter may become a hero.

But is it a coward who chooses to throw away his long sword and sit on a thorn bush waiting for the blood to dry?

People don't see cowards with swords in their hands, they just regret that those who lose their fighting spirit can't reach the end, and they also ignore the bloody flowers under the thorns.

Before leaving, Liu Wen invited Wang Qi to eat Fuji cakes. He said it was a gift from a good friend of his.

Wang Qi said thank you, and then declined, he said, I hate all sweets.