you are unspeakable

Wang Qi was hospitalized again. After a simple bandage in the hospital, he was transferred to the hospital where Liu Wen was.

Liu Wen was not on duty today, but a doctor he knew called him, and he hurried over and saw Li Xinglu at the door of the ward.

There was blood on his body, I don't know if it was his own or Wang Qi's, his right hand was wrapped in gauze, and his left hand was not injured, but his figure was slumped, and his hair was messy and sticking to his forehead. In such a cold weather, he suffered a lot Khan, he didn't have the calm look that Liu Wen had in mind at all. Seeing him like this, the anger in Liu Wen's heart finally turned into helplessness. He walked over and sat next to Li Xinglu, and patted him on the shoulder.

Li Xinglu didn't look up, just said: "You are here."

"Well, I have to come and take a look to rest assured." Liu Wen took a deep breath and said, "I persuaded you when you came to me to prescribe the medicine today. Now it seems that my persuasion is useless. Xing Lu, you So why is the anxiety? You are already in a mess, when will Li Xingruo control another person like this? Have you ever thought about this? Do you know how dangerous it is today, if those instruments are not sterilized, if those instruments are just used Yes, what if you contract some disease? You are not an impulsive person, but now I don't seem to know you. "

Li Xinglu stared blankly at the gauze on his right hand. What happened just now was replayed in his mind over and over again like a movie. Until now, he still couldn't control the complicated emotions in his heart, and his palms trembled slightly.

Liu Wen's eyes fell on the gauze on his palm, and he continued to persuade him: "If you just want to make up, there are many ways, Xing Lv, leave Wang Qi, if you stay with him, both of you will be hurt. There's no way to get together, even if Wang Qi gets better, he won't become the person you imagined."

"Liu Wen, you have also been sick, why, you can be well?" Li Xinglu couldn't figure it out, the same is sick, why some people can be cured and sublimated, while others seem to have melted into the darkness .

Liu Wen smiled wryly, and then slowly opened his mouth after a while: "Why do you think I'm good? Maybe everyone has a different definition of these three words. I live well, maybe it's not that I want to live, Xing Lu, you are not me after all, you can't really understand me, just like you and I can't really understand Wang Qi, I wanted to live a good life, because my mother must hope that I will be good, I can't let her down, and I'm lucky After meeting you, so many years have passed, I have become stronger, I have become more concerned with everything around me, and my motivation to live has become stronger and deeper. I live for my mother, and I live for myself. Maybe the king Qi," Liu Wen didn't want to say this at first, but he saw the pain and bewilderment in Li Xinglu's eyes. The knife also wants to be swallowed into the stomach, he must, it hurts, his life is too difficult, but no one can understand his difficulty, even now, we can't understand him, don't we all think of something in our hearts How can someone who has never suffered before get this kind of disease? Even if his parents don’t understand, there are so many people in this world who don’t understand. He is like this, but his heart is not strong enough. I am a doctor. Even if you think about it... What's more, you will compare him with me, but are we really comparable?"

Li Xinglu froze for a moment, and a passage appeared in his mind, which was what Wang Qi said when they were still together. He said: I grew up in a mediocre way. My childhood was neither miserable nor lacking in food and drink. His grades are stable, and he has never been bullied. I don't know... why he suddenly fell ill.

Jin Shi, who was about to come to the hospital after receiving a call from Liu Wen, also happened to hear this. He paused and looked at the thin man in the ward who had been sedated and unconscious.

Footsteps sounded again in the corridor, and Jin Shi came over and sat on the other side of Liu Wen. He was originally called by Liu Wen to take Li Xinglu home, but he guessed that Li Xinglu didn't want to go back at all now.

His appearance broke the silence between Liu Wen and Li Xinglu. Due to the special nature of the hospital, there are very few patients at night, so it seems quiet and lonely. The open windows at the end of the corridor occasionally send in a cool breeze, which makes people who are not sleepy Blow more soberly.

After Liu Wen entrusted Li Xinglu to Jin Shi, he went to work on his own. Now that he came, he simply changed shifts with other doctors. I will treat him well after I leave."

Li Xinglu even forgot that Jin Shi was there that day.

"If this is the case now, maybe I will knock on your car window." Jin Shi wanted to smoke, but when he looked up, he saw a sign that smoking was prohibited, and gave up: "Actually, I have been wondering why you have been unable to let go of Liu for so many years." Smell, why are you with Wang Qi all of a sudden."

Li Xinglu was silent.

However, Jin Shi almost guessed that he and Li Xinglu looked far apart on the surface, but they were the same people in their hearts.

"He really looks like Liu Wen," Jin Shi laughed at himself, "This is our biggest misunderstanding of him."

Wang Qi woke up and saw the snow-white ceiling. The cold liquid slipped into the blood vessels bit by bit through the pillow on the back of his hand. Every breath he took was filled with the smell of disinfectant. At that moment, he regretted that he did not die.

He used to think that he could hide in a corner of the world after escaping from his closest relatives, and live a difficult and regular life, but now he realizes that no matter how hard he tries, the world is like this, making him more difficult, more miserable, and more powerless.

It never taught him to be happy, but it was relentless when it killed him.

Jin Shi walked into the ward, Wang Qi heard someone's footsteps, but he was motionless, lying there as if dead.Jin Shi sat beside the hospital bed, with his big fiery palm deep in his hand, he gently held the infusion tube. The cold liquid was warmed up by his hand, and it was not so cold when it flowed into the blood vessel.

However, Wang Qi didn't care about these little things.

A little kindness used to be able to stir up waves in his heart, but now lying on the bed, his heart is like a stone, it is so difficult to even beat.

Jinshi didn't speak, and changed his other hand after the temperature in his palm disappeared. He didn't put his hand in his pocket until the nurse took off the needle after he finished the infusion.

"I heard that it will snow tomorrow." Jin Shi glanced at the dark sky outside the window, and said the first sentence when he entered the ward: "This year's snow comes earlier than any other year. People say that this winter is very cold. It’s especially suitable for chicken soup when it’s snowing, and when it’s snowing, I’ll bring you my special chicken soup, anyway, your little bird’s stomach can’t eat anything, so a small bowl of soup is fine.”

He said this not to get Wang Qi's reply. He used to be angry because Wang Qi didn't reply, but now seeing that he can still open his eyes and hear himself speak, Jin Shi feels that is enough.In fact, he is like a dissociating bystander when it comes to matters related to Wang Qi, but because of this bystander's perspective, he seems to have a glimpse of the real Wang Qi, and at a certain time that he doesn't know, he is getting deeper and deeper .

But he also knows.

He and Li Xinglu were not serious about Wang Qi from the beginning, maybe it would be polite to say that they were not serious, but in their eyes, they only regarded Wang Qi as a...substitute.

A replacement for the former Liu Wen.

Also a substitute for emotions they were initially unable to settle.

They ignore that Wang Qi, as a person, can cry, feel pain, and feel uncomfortable. They just reach out to get what they want, and constantly consume Wang Qi. When Wang Qi is exhausted by them, they will get nothing. Afterwards, the hopeless anger of asking for it made them lose their minds. They continued to ask Wang Qi to give without restraint. They forced Wang Qi to escape from indulgence. healing.Jin Shi thought, he and Li Xinglu are two vampires who sucked up Wang Qi's hard-earned hope.

He realizes this now, but he doesn't know if it's too late.

Jin Shi didn't plan to stay overnight, he went out after staying for a while, no accident, Li Xinglu didn't leave either, he didn't even change his posture, he was sitting at the door of Wang Qi's ward, Jin Shi asked him Don't go back, Li Xinglu shook his head slowly.

"You can figure it out yourself," Jin Shi said lightly, "Just don't force him anymore."

Li Xinglu nodded slightly.

Wang Qi stayed in the hospital for a long time this time. There was more than one snowfall outside.

The temperature of the air conditioner in the single ward hardly changed. Wang Qi could not feel the cold outside. The nurse opened the window to the maximum, but it was still only half a palm wide. Inside, they took away all the objects that could be used for self-harm and suicide. It's gone, leaving Wang Qi with nothing but an empty white prison.

They don't think it's a prison, however.

All normal people firmly believe that this is the road to health, and all this is to cure him.

He can't remember what Jinshi's soup tastes like, every time it enters his throat, there is only heat, and the heat flows from the soup into his stomach, which makes him feel a burning sensation, but so what, he never tells anyone about it.

He didn't even say a word.

Why do I need to say that?

It's just adding to everyone's troubles. Wang Qi is hospitalized here. She doesn't cry, make noise, or talk. She eats on time, takes her medicine on time, and takes one action after another. She is the most cooperative patient and the least cooperative patient.

Li Xinglu came every day, sometimes just to sit for a short time, sometimes to accompany him for a day, he was the same as those few days, meticulous and considerate, but Wang Qi found that his eyes were stained with sadness from nowhere.

It was sunny that day, but it was still terribly cold outside.

Li Xinglu walked into the ward carrying the cake. He made it himself, so it didn't look good, but he felt happy, that kind of inexplicable little joy that he could give away the fruits of his hard work.

Although he understood that maybe the people who ate the cake might not feel these things, but when he opened the cake, Liu Wen pushed the door in. He glanced at the cake on the table and signaled Li Xinglu to go out and say something.

"I think you'd better not feed him." Liu Wen looked into his eyes and said word by word: "It's me who likes to eat sweets. I used to be his psychiatrist. He once told me that he Hate all desserts."

Li Xinglu's jump of joy was frozen in an instant, falling on his heart, and it hurt him a lot.