Leap past the confused days of life

I got up early again, and continued to write at my desk for a while. I felt exhausted, so I stopped to think: I seldom participate in outdoor activities and physical exercises recently, and I am too lazy to pay attention to what is happening outside. It seems that I am a bit autistic. Appeared.

I know that this is not good, and I tend to be depressed. At my age, I should actively participate in social activities to care about national affairs, or care about collective life and activities, care about others, and do what I can, because it is The age with the most energy, but I don't know why my mind is full of loneliness and sadness.Reluctant to go out.

Yes, life puzzles me. My hard work and my efforts in the past have not made any achievements in my age group. I feel disappointed and feel at a loss in life, which makes me at a loss. , Of course, these are all due to my lack of social activities, lack of passion and lack of vitality.

At this time, I lit a cigarette and took a few puffs. I was so bored that I didn’t want to do anything. The sound of water flushing the toilet and the light footsteps of his wife.

Mei, who had gone to the toilet, walked towards me, and after she came, Mei poked me with her elbow: "Why are you writing so hard because your fingers hurt?" She deliberately touched my hand when she put the water glass in front of me , Immediately, it made me distracted.

In an instant, I had a certain desire to express myself, but Mei left me and hurriedly busy myself with my own affairs.Being left out in the cold, I felt a little angry in my heart, but I didn't dare to make another mistake.But I lost my mind for a while, and said some complaining words: "It's all nonsense, it's okay to mess around and torture people. I don't understand...interesting." My wife Mei turned her head and walked back to the room. The relationship between the two of them immediately became dull. Squeak again.

It was only then that I realized that the words were on the verge of my mouth and I swallowed them back. Some things that shouldn’t be said must be guarded. Some words are difficult to take back. I know I offended my wife, but I feel sorry for Mei. Affectionate, well-behaved and irritating, a little sorry, realized that she was wrong, put down the pen and came forward to apologize, like a child who has done something wrong, admitting the mistake with a flattering look, Mei felt it.

The subtle changes in the emotions between husband and wife, sometimes there is only body odor and cannot be expressed. In fact, my wife is completely for my own good, and refuses the impulse of the moment. The role of a look, a movement, and a sentence makes people feel very subtle and immersed in thinking In my fantasy, I couldn't accept some kind of hint from Mei for a while. Mei didn't think too much about whether she should interrupt me when I was thinking, which made me react too hastily.

I didn't grasp the timing of the flirting, which made each other upset, but I couldn't proceed. I realized that I had acted too hastily and had to apologize to my wife. Waiting for my wife to stabilize her emotions. After the anger subsided, she was no longer stiff and indifferent. Hi, forgive my rudeness.

Mei was busy grooming and dressing before going to work, so she didn't pay attention to me at all. All of this was completely my own sentimental speculation and imagination. I'm afraid I will be deducted for being late, and I didn't respond.

Mei's expression and tone as usual made me breathe a sigh of relief.I think it’s a good idea to apologize to my wife, and I think it can get good results; in fact, Mei is a kind and tolerant woman. Going to work, making myself unhappy all day, now I can practice writing at my desk with peace of mind.I have always been like a young dreamer, and I will continue to do it like this.

The sky outside the window was still gray, dull and depressing. I wanted to open the window to let the air flow, but the air seemed to stop flowing. Because there was no feeling of wind blowing in, I felt that my breathing was not smooth.

My bad habit of smoking filled the house with smoke, and the stench was difficult to dissipate for a while, and I felt it myself. It is true that the smell of tobacco is disgusting. I don’t usually feel it. I am used to staying in the smoke. Once I light a cigarette, it seems like Just as I found myself, enjoy the peace and serenity of free thinking.

I pondered in the smoke why do people get angry when they are doing well?Why are you so preoccupied, there is nothing to be entangled with, but you want to plunge yourself into pain?I raised my left hand, handed half a cigarette to my mouth, and continued to smoke leisurely in this posture.

Being able to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day has aroused opposition from family and friends around me. Smoking less is good for your health.Although I was also aware of the dangers of smoking and tried to quit smoking, I only persisted for half a year. Under the persecution of smog and addiction, I relapsed to no avail and counterproductively. Not only did I not quit, but my smoking increased to three packs.

Many methods have been adopted to quit smoking, such as holding objects that resemble cigarettes in the mouth, using this method to solve the psychological problems of addiction, and eating snacks instead of cigarettes. I relapsed, and I still have plenty of reasons to justify myself. Cigarette stimulation can keep me at my desk for a long time to write.

What kind of things to do in what kind of environment, it is impossible for people to focus on all kinds of things. If you can do one thing well, you will not waste your life choices. There will always be many shortcomings in life, and it will not be perfect. , so there is absolutely no right or wrong for choosing what to do, because the future of a person is unpredictable, and the dream of childhood is to fantasize about doing one thing, so that life will not leave regrets.

I chose the path of literary hobbies, and constantly worked hard. Years passed by, and after vicissitudes, the feeling that time waits for no one made me devote myself wholeheartedly. It not only tested my willpower and tenacious fighting spirit, but also allowed me to explore By following the vines, I gradually entered into a virtuous circle of writing.

Working behind closed doors, I can't bear to look back on the passage of time to have painful memories. The troubles come from poor writing. I gradually understand that the pressure on my thoughts is too great, which has caused a mental burden. This kind of thinking that forces myself is a wrong life. Emotional instability and the life pain of the interest of spiritual life.

I like the room to be spotless, clean and tidy. My life is always messy. The items in the house are arranged in a mess, without order, and I don’t bother to return items when they move.

When I’m in a bad mood, I often meditate alone, wandering with my thoughts and daydreaming about those illusory people and things, and let myself fall into a painful time.

Recently, there have been some minor health problems, such as the pain of gastrointestinal discomfort caused by smoking or the bad habit of drinking tea on an empty stomach in the morning.

A colleague saw me and asked, "What are you doing at home? Don't you come out to play?" Out of concern.But I gave a simple answer: "Watch TV or sleep." I am lying in good faith, and I am also responsible for my own life. If I answer truthfully about what a person does at home, not only will I not be able to win the appreciation of my friends, but even What kind of embarrassing situation will you encounter, and you don't know what will happen?

I am very taboo to tell the truth to my friends. The reason is that people nowadays will create things out of nothing, become extremely jealous, and even turn friends into enemies, so don't say things that make people envious.That will magnify the effect. In fact, I rarely waste time on entertainment. In my spare time, I almost devote my whole body, mind and energy to the fun of paper and pen. I have learned to endure loneliness and forget my surroundings. Even ecstasy into fruitless toil.

I did not tell the truth to my friends and colleagues. I am not a liar. This is an act of kindness, because I only care about sowing and not harvesting. Essays that have not been carefully conceived, and emotional words that have not been carefully revised and written, are casually expressed emotions and cathartic word games.

My wife is used to it and has adapted to what I do. She is not interested in what I do, but she does not express strong opposition. This is quite good for me. My wife, Mei, is caring for me and persuading me with distress : "Don't be too tired, you can't stay up late often, staying up late is the most likely to damage your body, and your health is more important than anything else. For example, why do people torture themselves like this? They should take good care of themselves. Without a good body, how can they bear the burden of society and family? responsibility."

I don’t stop at this kind of love, and continue to write every day. This is in line with my innate stubbornness and natural disposition. I write boring, divorced from life and work, and marginal affairs all day long. In a trance, he wrote down some thoughts that made it difficult for him to understand.

However, I write down the things I think with a pen, and naturally form a thinking essay, write what I think of, write what I see, write what I see, and spend my good time like this every day.

I don't have a good writing environment, and I am often interrupted in the process of thinking, so I can't get continuous thinking, so I have to practice writing intermittent essays.