Fool's Love

like a red tear.

The link between Masumi and me—manga, now seems to be a very fragile and insignificant thing.

My heart is hot, but my limbs are so cold that they feel a little numb.As for the voices of Yamazaki and Morita, they seemed to be coming from a distance through a few meters of water, and they were vaguely intelligible.

Instead, another voice became clearer—a sharp mocking voice haunting me: Yamagishi, at least you should be a little self-conscious about being sentimental!

I didn't know how to behave, I sat there numbly, my mind was already in a mess.

How unrealistic my feelings for Masumi were, I had already expected them before.

However, people can also gain the illusion of being able to transcend those through unrealistic self-confidence built up unconsciously.

Even though I repeated to myself "Although he and I are both men...it doesn't matter...", the final fatal blow came from a direction I had been ignoring.

It's like a person lying flat on the bed and letting out a long breath after building a house to resist the coming flood and heavy rain. Through the skylight, he saw the Jupiter as big as the sky rushing towards here through the skylight.

This made me have to start looking at myself again: am I an attractive person?I cannot give a definite answer to this question.

I ran as usual, as if I was trying to relieve my inner depression.

Masumi also noticed a change.When he asked what was bothering me, I didn't know how to answer, I just frowned more tightly and kept my mouth shut.Seeing that I didn't want to answer, Masumi stopped asking.

He counted the time spent on the long run for me.As a result, my anxiety level has risen to a higher level: approaching the sports meeting, my state is not as good as a few days ago. It seems that after reaching the bottleneck period for a while, instead of improving, I fell into the pit of decline prematurely .

After the last lap, I felt sick to my stomach and my mind was not clear, so I had to rest on a nearby seat for a while.

I listened to Masumi recite the time spent on this long-distance run, my mouth and nose were glued to my folded arms, I breathed out the unsmooth air through my clothes, I looked at him with wet eyes, and my heart was beating fast.

Why should I run?I'm really bad at doing this.I just feel that I have to make myself a little bit better, otherwise I will be ashamed to stand by Masumi's side again.

But does it really work?After hearing the conversation between Morita and Yamazaki, I began to doubt again.

For nearly 10 minutes, I was immersed in the feeling that I was about to vomit, and it was terribly uncomfortable to move even a little.

At the most uncomfortable time, it was as if the stomach was being squeezed in a circle by someone squeezing a rag.

Why is this so?I reflected on this question, and for a while, Masumi's face reflected in my eyes distorted like a reflection in water, gradually turning into a hideous appearance.

What am I forcing?

Walk with Masumi to the edge of the playground, where our schoolbags are placed.There is still a thick shadow on my face, which has not disappeared for a long time.

Depressed emotions linger in my chest, and it hasn't dissipated for a long time.I heard Masumi's footsteps, very lightly.

He always walked very lightly, but today he was a little heavier than usual.I looked down at Masumi's feet. The shoes were the same as usual, a pair of black reflective delicate leather shoes.

"The state is not very good recently. But it doesn't matter, just do your best!"

Masumi tried to comfort me.But maybe he was infected by me, there was a hint of discouragement in his voice that couldn't be concealed.

Only then did I realize that Masumi's sympathy made me sadder than my own sense of helplessness.

It's just me—I can't even do this kind of thing, no matter how hard I try—now, even Masumi is disappointed in me.

But after thinking about it, why did I put so much effort into doing these things that I am not good at?Isn't it still Masumi?

Suddenly, I raised my downcast eyes and looked at Masumi again.The irritability and frustration these days have surged up, affecting the line of sight, and covering the face of this person who is close at hand but seems to be far away in the sky.

"Do you think I can't do it too?"

"It can be difficult. I just feel like the outcome isn't the most important thing - woohoo!"

-

Why did I do this at the time-I don't know how to answer this question a few minutes after it happened.

Maybe there has always been a dark corner in my heart, which has accumulated violent emotions that have not been vented for many years, and the recent anxiety made it become high in an instant, swallowing my reason.

I shouldn't have done this - the violent urge took over my body before being stopped by a restrained voice.

I saw Masumi fall backwards.My hand clenched into a fist appeared in the field of vision. At first, there was ringing in the ears, and I couldn’t hear the sound clearly. Then the whole ear began to feel hot, and the surface of the fist was painful.

At this time, I finally realized that my punch landed on Masumi's face, and the punch was extremely heavy.

Probably all the results of my exercise these days have been condensed into this punch, and just one shot made the whole arm muscles sore and swollen.

Masumi was caught off guard, she was walking lightly, but she couldn't stand still after being hit by this, and she fell backwards.

Behind him is a circle of flower beds veneered with tiles, and we just come around the corner.Masumi was out of luck.

He protected his head with his hands, but the edge of the flower bed hit his waist, his body tilted, and he hit the ground head-on in a daze.

I panicked all of a sudden, I couldn't think of anything for a while, my hands lost feeling, even a little numb.

It's like putting your hand into scalding water, and a piece of skin is about to be peeled off.The sudden situation baffled me, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt an urge to run away, but my steps couldn't move like glue.

Masumi got up from the ground.He looked as dazed as I was, not speaking.He wiped his face with the back of his hand, didn't look at me, just lowered his eyes.

I saw a small glistening blood stain on the back of his hand, a small one, like a drop of red tear.