he can't see our ears

"I hate you very much. I hope you are unhappy and suffer more."

Why... why?

"No why. Well, why do you ask why?"

Because I don't understand.Brother, we are all grown-ups, why don't you make it clear, do you hate me because I was annoying when I was young?That was indeed my fault, I am sensible now, I should apologize to you.

"No, no, you don't need to apologize. This can't be solved by apologizing."

So what do you need me to do?

"No need to do anything. I just hate you, hate you, and hope you suffer. You don't have to do anything. Strange, why do you ask, what do you want to do?"

I...I want you to understand, I'm really sorry!I want you to...

"You want me not to hate you?"

Yes.

"Haha, that's impossible!"

I don't understand!Why is it impossible?

"Well, how should I put it... When we were young, there was an old man next door, a [-]-year-old birthday man. Later, he passed away. Tell him, can you not die? Can he promise you? Can you Do something to keep him from dying?"

This……

"Another example is that winter is here and the temperature has dropped. You say the temperature can't drop? Well, this example is not good. The temperature will always rise. You may misunderstand what I want to express... Change it, change it. Did you know that woolly mammoths went extinct? Can they not go extinct? Did you know that the continental plates are drifting? And the speed is very fast, maybe faster than you think. The speed of each plate is different, but the overall average is calculated. It is similar to the growth rate of your nails. You cut off your nails, and your nails become shorter, but can you propose that the plate should not move? What’s more, the plate has already moved, and it won’t be able to return to the state of Pangea, even after many years Several plates are united again, they will not go back to the shape of Pangea, you can cut your nails, but can you apologize to the continental plates? You say nail cutting is wrong, you will never cut your nails again I beg the plates not to drift, do you think this is possible?"

I don't know how to answer.

Did I just answer it?It seems not.

I don't understand it, but I seem to understand it.I can't concentrate.

My brother speaks so fast.He was not like this in memory.In the past, he rarely talked, he could say what he should say, and he could also joke. It can't be said that he was withdrawn, he was just quieter.He speaks at a moderate speed, with a low pitch and a non-aggressive attitude, which makes people feel relieved.

Now he speaks so fast and the content changes so fast that I don't have time to understand it.

No, is he talking too fast?Or am I receiving too fast?

When a person eats, he quickly pulls food into his mouth and chokes in his throat. Is it because the food comes in too fast, or because the mouth eats too fast?

"It's you who received it too quickly," said the elder brother.

Forget it, if you hate me, you can hate me, it doesn't matter.So what am I going to do?Do nothing?

"You don't have to do anything."

Then why did you come to me?

"I want to tell you, don't look back. You always like to look back. Don't look behind you, outside your field of vision, your memory, your past."

What will happen if you see it, and what will happen if you don't see it?

"If you read it, your mentality will change, you will understand what you should have known a long time ago, and become a comfortable and transparent person. If you don't read it, you will be in pain, and there will always be no answer, and it will always be painful. "

Like your father?

"Not like him, but you will suffer anyway. I hope you will continue to suffer like this."

Something is down my throat.

It was cold and a little slimy, maybe because it was so far from the tongue that I couldn't tell what it was for a while.

I was lying on my side, and it didn't get into the depths of the esophagus at once. It stayed in a position where it couldn't go up and down, and crawled a little bit deeper.

I coughed instinctively, and the thing was pushed out a little bit, and the smell came out, contaminated the taste buds, and entered the nasal cavity, so I tasted and smelled it.It is a light lychee fragrance.

It's slippery, not water, it's a big piece, soft and a little tough, it's squeezed by my throat, it changes shape, but it doesn't melt... oh I see, it's jelly, lychee flavor , I liked this flavor the most when I was a child.

The jelly slid down again, filling the esophagus with a subtle pain.As much as I was in pain, it definitely hurt more, it was crushed and it didn't retain its full shape.

Maybe it's because the throat of an adult is thick enough, the jelly didn't stay for too long, the pain in the throat quickly eased, and the jelly has entered the deep part of the esophagus.

The sweet smell didn't disappear for too long, and soon, I tasted the lychee flavor again.

This time it's not jelly, it's sugar, spherical sugar, hard candy slightly smaller than real lychees.It is round as a whole, with a seam in the middle. The seam is a little sharp, but after the dissolution of body temperature and saliva, the seam is quickly smoothed.

Sugar slid down my throat, and my throat couldn't crush them this time.

I curled up, and kept rubbing my neck with my hands, trying to use force but couldn't.

I stared at the sea water in front of me, the soothing waves hit the reef again and again, and after each hit and fall, more stones would be exposed in the water.The tide is beginning to ebb.

Sugar stuck in the throat, and the smell of lychees washed away the fishy smell of sea water.I tried to adjust my breathing and wanted to spit out the candy, but I couldn't. There seemed to be something extra on my tongue, blocking the way of the candy.

The extra thing is also sweet and tastes like lychee.Some are soft, some are hard, and some are soft with a bit of elasticity. They are more juicy and full of fragrance. I tasted them. This time they are several different things. They are lychee jelly, lychee candy balls, and There are real lychees.

They filled my mouth and throat bit by bit, and I kept smoothing the slightly sharp seams on the lychee candy with my tongue and soft palate.

Will Haibei do the same?Cover the grain of sand with something soft and turn it into a pearl.

The big brother moved his hand, not only pressed my shoulder, but also patted me up and down.

It seemed to be the same when he was a child. He only patted his shoulders and never sang a lullaby.It may be that he thinks singing a lullaby is too much like his mother, or it may be that he wants to sing it but can't sing it at all.

When the throat is swollen and sore to a certain extent, the feeling of swelling changes and becomes a pain like a needle prick.

The lychee taste of the sugar cubes has also gradually disappeared.This is the case with many sugars. The special fruity flavor is only on the outer layer. After a long time, that layer of seasoning disappears, leaving only a featureless sweetness.

I could smell the smell of sea water again, it spread into the nasal cavity and mouth, merged with the sweetness, and turned into an unpleasant fishy smell.

The fishy smell combined with the needle-like pain, this is an unprecedented experience.

If my esophagus was cut by a fishbone while eating fish and the esophagus began to bleed, would I experience the feeling at that time?

I want to ask my brother for help.This is not a thoughtful choice, but instinct.I tried to grab his hand, but couldn't catch anything.

The elder brother was still patting me and coaxing me to sleep, but I just couldn't hold his hand.

He didn't let me turn back, and I didn't turn back.

I can only continue to look ahead.The tide is low, and I can see the crevices in the reef again, and there are flowing things everywhere in the crevices.Not water, not people, but soft, slender things.

I closed my eyes because of the pain.

The sound of the ocean has become quieter, probably because the area with water has become farther away.At the same time, jelly, sugar and lychees gradually entered my stomach.

Even if I don't swallow, the stuff in my throat keeps pushing in, and to a certain point, my throat becomes lighter.

Doorbell rang.I remembered that I ordered takeaway.

These days I don’t want to eat at all, but logically speaking, people should still eat. I don’t have the strength to cook, so I force myself to order some takeaway every day or two.

I got up from the couch.To go to the gate, you must step on the reef in front of you.

Fortunately, the tide is out, I don't need to wade in the water, just be careful not to trip over the rough stones,

I walked carefully to the door, opened the door only a crack, and took the takeaway.

The reef was too difficult to walk on. I was afraid of falling while carrying food, so instead of going back to the living room, I walked into the kitchen.The kitchen is in the direction of the embankment, so there is no need to walk on the reef.I decided to just eat in the kitchen.

I ordered finger cakes and raw porridge.The takeaway was a little slow to deliver, the porridge was not too hot, maybe it was about the same as body temperature.

I tore off the plastic wrap, opened the plastic lid, and took it up to drink without using a spoon.

I poured the porridge into my mouth and swallowed it, but I felt a strong discomfort.

I quickly put down the plastic bowl and knelt down on the ground uncontrollably.His knee hit the tiled floor with a "dong" sound, which was very painful.Fortunately, I didn't go back to the living room. Kneeling on the rocks would definitely hurt more.

There was a protest of being too full in the stomach, and it seemed that the food had already reached the level of the throat even after taking a bite.

I knelt and bent over, shaking and throwing up.

Do people cry when they vomit?Tears blurred my vision. At first I couldn't see my vomit, but when I was almost vomited, I didn't feel so uncomfortable. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand a few times, and then I saw the ground in front of me.

I didn't spit out much else, just acid water, viscous gel-like objects, and small white balls.I couldn't tell whether it was a lychee, a lychee ball, or a pearl.

The amount is very large, even if part of it has been digested, even if the sugar has become smaller, the sum of all these things has far exceeded the volume that an ordinary adult can eat in one meal.What's more, there may be some that haven't spit out.

I had no idea I had eaten so much.

When I was not uncomfortable, I went to the toilet silently, rinsed my mouth, washed my face, came back with a floor tissue, cleaned up the vomited things, threw them away, washed my hands, and went to rest on the sofa.

After resting enough, I stepped on the rocks to the kitchen again, and took the unfinished raw porridge and finger cakes to the living room.I just put them on the cabinets just in time, no mess.

Although it was painful to walk on the rocks, it was more comfortable to go back to the living room.There was a slight breeze blowing from the rocky beach, and there was still a fishy smell in the wind.Now I don't hate the smell anymore.

I sat on the sofa and finished eating the cold porridge and cakes.Although I can't taste it, I still have to eat it. After all, people should eat.