are you a clown

Today's Lin Chensan is a little strange...

Speaking of Lin Chensan crying, even shedding tears in front of her, this was the first time Lin Jianwu had seen Lin Chensan since she knew her. She thought that this person could hold back, no matter what , in order to maintain the image in front of me, I shouldn't...unless I can't help it...

So what can't help it?Lin Jianwu was really curious.Of course, she was curious about everything about Lin Chensan.

Abandon it?It shouldn't be that simple... Lin Chensan has abandoned many people, and he should always be prepared for being abandoned, otherwise he should have reacted last time instead of waiting until now.

At least one trigger is required.

"Did something happen on the road?" He put his hand on Lin Chensan's head and rubbed it a little. This kind of head-touching is always very effective for Lin Chensan, but only this time, Lin Chensan San didn't show an expression of comfort as usual, it seemed that she had used too much and was a little resistant, so she slid her hand down, and her fingers landed on Lin Chensan's cheeks, letting her palms stick to Lin Chensan's jawline , pinching Lin Chensan's small earlobes with his fingertips through his hair, and exerting a little force, "Is there anything I can do?"

"..." Lin Chensan blushed to her ears in response to this irritability. She wanted to turn her head away, but she didn't want to let go of the warmth of Lin Jianwu's palm, so she lowered her head slightly and wiped away the tears that had been wiped away with the back of her hand. A little dumb, "I encountered something, then remembered something, and it became like this, you don't have to worry about it, this crying is not what I want to cry, I will be fine after a while."

"En." Lin Jianwu pursed her lips, and the monosyllabic words were also full of warm colors.

Only then did Lin Chensan raise his eyes: "Am I acting like this?"

Lin Jianwu shook her head: "It's not noisy, it's rare to be able to cry so well."

"I used to be the type who could cry in three seconds." Lin Chensan felt better. The corners of her eyes were a little red, but her face was much better. I laughed."

"How dare you laugh at you like that. So, what happened on the road?"

"It's not a big deal..." Lin Chensan instinctively wanted to be vague, but she was facing Lin Jianwu, and she thought it was her responsibility to make it clear, so... Lin Jianwu's "I want to know" Under her gaze, she confessed everything.

Erjiasi, this name is very fateful.

"I must be feeling sad in such an atmosphere." Lin Chensan covered his eyes with his arms again, "Then because of the spread of sad emotions, it's easy to make people think wildly, it's not a big deal." She emphasized explain.

"But you don't have such emotions when you reject someone you hate. Sure enough, it's because you reject someone you like?"

"Compared to liking or hating, I think I care more about parting. Lin Jianwu, I'm not very used to parting. I don't like to be left alone in the end."

"Then why did you choose to leave?"

"If separation is more beneficial to both parties than being together, is it a big problem not to choose to part?"

"However, the day has not come to know that the problem is serious, how do you know that separation is more beneficial to both parties than being together?"

"because……"

"Ok?"

"For the first time, I felt that the person I was attracted to was her, not you. And she is still willing to continue to like me." Lin Chensan knew that it was wrong to say this, but she had to say it, "I don't have confidence in myself."

Or because it is the person you like who rejects.Lin Jianwu knew it.Then it's not wanting to be alone.

"It's really not afraid of me getting angry when you say this."

Lin Chensan felt a little embarrassed, but: "I said, I don't want you to find out that I am such a person one day."

"I know that Sansan has always been an honest and good boy in front of me."

"This kind of honesty often doesn't bring good things..."

"Well, I wasn't the one who was attracted to you for the first time. I remember that she did know you before me, and there was nothing I could do about it." Lin Jianwu sighed leisurely, making people unable to feel joy or anger, " Then, what does it mean to have no confidence in yourself?"

"...I will love the new and hate the old, I will change when I see the different, I will not be able to bear the loneliness when you are bored with me, I will want to find someone to talk to, I will be afraid, I will be uneasy... Lin Jianwu, all these emotions are normal, I Don't want to lie to you on this, practically though my mind will always tell me what to do and what not to do, my mind and my heart are still 23, they're too young, they're too easy Going over my head."

This is really dare to say.

"It's very common for young people to make mistakes. Because Sansan, you are indeed a 23-year-old girl."

"But I don't want to make that mistake."

"Well, this is a principled error."

"So I can only do this." Lin Chensan was still a little downcast, the scene of her colleague being fired that night appeared in her mind, and she couldn't help calling Lin Jianwu's name, "Lin Jianwu."

"Ah."

"Is it strange that I am like this? Things that are done rationally are always difficult to accept emotionally. For many things, you have to wait until the end to know what the result is, so the tears shed for this are like the tears of a crocodile. .If I knew it would be sad, why did I do it? But if I knew that doing it would have such a result, wouldn’t I do it? I don’t know what’s going on at all.” Lin Chensan As we talked, tears began to flow down in strings again, "Now I'm thinking, do I really like you? If my love belongs to the kind of hello or me, what are you going to do? Everything should be supportive, but I can't imagine the day when you abandon me, and if my liking is selfish, I know that if you really want to abandon me, I will never say a word about it... I...a person like me...is a waste..."

Lin Chensan's self-loathing reached its peak all of a sudden. There was a beast hidden in her chest, as if it wanted to choose someone to devour.But she often can only hurt herself, she can't attack others, and she can't attack herself, so she can only talk to herself, cut herself with sharp words, hoping that that little pain can bear some excessive negative Emotions: "Living in this world will waste air and take up public resources. Yes, I am really not as good as waste... I don't know what I am thinking, and I don't know what kind of person I am."

"Please don't say that." Lin Jianwu's eyes flashed with light that represented pain, what Lin Chensan said might not be what she thought, she blocked Lin Chensan's next words with her eyes.

Lin Chensan knew that it was time to stop here, but: "I'm telling the truth, I'm sorry, I'm such a useless person, incompetent, boring and useless..." She couldn't stop loathing herself.

"But please don't say that about the person I like." Lin Jianwu's words had the effect of a scalpel, firmly, definitely and definitely separating Lin Chensan's mouthpiece.

Lin Chensan fell silent for a while.

Lin Jianwu rubbed Lin Chensan's cheek with her fingers, and she repeated: "Please don't say that about the person I like." Afterwards, a warm but desolate smile appeared on her face: "Otherwise, why don't you say that?" Aren't I, who likes you like this, a waste of waste?"

"San San, do you think I'm a waste of waste?" Lin Jianwu asked back like this, making Lin Chensan completely unable to say affirmative words.

Lin Chensan pinched the hem of the clothes with both hands, and another kind of guilt surged in her heart: "Sorry, the trash I said refers to myself."

"You don't have to apologize." Lin Jianwu withdrew her hand, then held Lin Chensan's wrist with both hands, and finally pulled Lin Chensan's fingers away. She gently squeezed Lin Chensan's palm, and her tone was also soft , "It's a very normal feeling not to want to be alone. After all, we humans are social animals."

"Whether it's a TV series or a movie, whether it's love at first sight, love after a long time, or the salvation of a lifetime, the fate of the result, people without self will always be favored by God, but in real life, people like us, Throughout our lives, it is difficult to love someone or be loved. Because we have never been loved, and we have never understood love. Isn't that emotion love?"

Lin Jianwu held Lin Chensan's right hand and pressed it against her chest. Her face was calm: "Can you feel it? This heart of mine is beating, and it is beating for you. It It’s saying that it likes you. It doesn’t want you to shed tears, sad, or unhappy, so please be happy... I like to see you smile.”

I really want to say how happy I can be so simple, but it's amazing. After Lin Jianwu watched me, after hearing those words, Lin Chensan's consciousness suddenly returned to rationality?No, there are other things that are deeper... The five fingers are completely sunk, damn it, why is the tactile sensation so obvious this time?Is it because you put all your attention here?

"Besides, although I may abandon you, I also said that I will accompany you to the end, Sansan. I think..." Lin Jianwu didn't notice that Lin Chensan had already been too stimulated. It's already a steam engine.

"Say what you said just now..." Lin Chensan stretched out his left index finger tremblingly and said.This is indeed a good way to prevent excess consciousness and cranky thinking.

"Ok?"

"Say you like me...say you love me..." At this moment, Lin Chensan only knew that if Lin Jianwu said that, she would be able to cheer up, and had no idea what he was talking about, "Then, can I move my hands? "