Youth Notes

I entered the chorus of the Chinese Department, and the instructor who was invited was a young teacher from the music school, and I was fascinated by him.Funny and vivid words, vivid and exaggerated movements and expressions, full of passion and appeal, he is like the brightest star in the sky.I was so excited that my blood rushed to my forehead, I was at a loss.I didn't know where I was, I forgot how to move my mouth, how to express my face, my heart was beating wildly, my mouth couldn't be closed, and my lips were trembling.I was terrified, scared that I was going crazy, out of control, making a fool of myself, passing out, disappearing.That week I became a lunatic, a sleepwalker, a fever-damaged patient.

This is love, right?

I'm cured, a week later.At the end of each training session, his girlfriend would bring him a midnight snack. According to the senior sister, he is going to get married soon.I am not a star, not even a lamp, not even a firefly, I have no light.The temperature is dropping, dropping rapidly, down to normal, normal, normal.How did they fall in love?What is their story?It must be beautiful, right?They are very happy, right?Not jealous, I guess, not at all.So silly, so ridiculous, so absurd.I was a speck of dust in front of his eyes. He didn't see it at all, or didn't want to see it at all, and hated to see it.No, it's not like or hate to see, it's absolute ignorance.

It dropped from boiling to constant temperature in a week. Is this love?have no idea.

I have a crush on a girl, a girl from the Chinese department in the same grade.She is tall and has fair skin. She often passes by the door of our dormitory, because several of our dormitories share the same bathroom, bathroom and laundry table, and she has to pass by our door whenever there is water.I want to see her every day, I pay attention to her, observe her, study her silent face without any expression, and try to figure out her cold and distant eyes.What kind of person is this person, what kind of heart does she hide, why does she always have this face, the image of an indifferent wanderer?I have studied her for a long time, and I have the answer: she has nothing, she just can't laugh by nature.

Is this love?Is it the search for the same kind?Overwhelmed love for confused and weak women?have no idea.

I was moved by a girl in the same dormitory.Her smile is lovely, warm and bright.Her liveliness, ability and courage are rare among girls.We have many common hobbies: obsessed with literature, like writing, like studying photos, like staying up late, writing diaries, like lying on the ground and watching the starry sky.In winter, she would come to my bed, one at the head of the bed and one at the end of the bed. We leaned on the bed to read, chat, and talk about the characters in the novel. The two of us chatted and laughed like madmen without any scruples.This very talented and lively girl speaks playfully and boldly, and when she is happy, she looks at you with bright eyes and smiles.I was suddenly fascinated by her smile, and I was fascinated by her burning eyes and smiled. For a moment, watching her smile, I suddenly fell into a fascination, and I had the urge to cry.

Wen Ziqing is here, and she is here again this winter.

Wen Ziqing came, she stopped my heartbeat, stopped another person from being attracted to me, she stopped another tragedy.very nice.Congratulations to that wonderful girl.Bless me.

After graduating from high school, Wen Ziqing and I entered the same university. My father sent us here. Then I went to my Chinese department, and she went to her physics department. We lived in the same dormitory building.

No excitement, no pride, no surprises.After the third year of high school, it seems that many things are over.

Everything is new and everything can be started from scratch.

I try to change, a little chaotic, a little confused, neither happy nor worried, rootless.Love or not, presence or absence, sinking or floating, nothing is known, not clear, not clear.

Wen Ziqing came, like an ugly duckling, a sad, inferior and confused real ugly duckling.

Wen Ziqing came back. After we stayed indifferent for half a semester, she came back again.She is too lonely and unfortunate. Our dormitory is a warm home, but their dormitory is a hodgepodge. Our six roommates get along happily and harmoniously, singing and laughing endlessly. They are full of gunpowder, suspicion, jealousy, sarcasm, and vulgarity .It's winter, and her hands and feet are already icy cold.She was still unwell, all over the place.

The child came back, and she did her homework, ate, and stayed with me.She always has a lot of homework, she always has endless homework, she is still that hardworking child.No, I have changed, I am only obsessed with literature, whether it is literary works, writing or literary theory, as long as I am fascinated by literature, I ignore and forget everything else.

That child is with me every day, those familiar smells, familiar handwriting, and familiar words are all pulling my nerves and my sensitive tentacles.I found myself, and I became that self, the sober, happy and painful self.I shed tears, I have been in chaos for so long and wandered for so long, and I returned to the original world.I told myself, that is me, the one who is crying silently and living in the cold air every day is me.Extremely happy, intoxicated, miserable, obsessed with obsession, crazy, all these things came back.I fell back and looked at my old self clearly in the clear water at the bottom of the well, crying and laughing, desolate and joyful.The person I once loved so much that I wanted to die aroused all my memories and all my enthusiasm in that winter.

That winter, that freshman winter vacation, we gave each other a kiss on the corridor of our alma mater, and since then, I can no longer leave.This is my destiny.

You say I'm like a cloud, unpredictable

In fact, you do not know my heart

You say I'm like a dream, suddenly far away and then near

In fact, you do not know my heart

You say I'm like a riddle, I can't always see clearly

Actually, I never care about hiding my sincerity

I'm afraid I can't bear the deep affection for you

So I dare not get too close to you

You said you were going to travel far, but you were secretly sad

don't let you see, crying eyes

In Wen Ziqing's dormitory, someone often plays Tong Ange's "Actually You Don't Understand My Heart", which looks like a cloud, like a dream, like a mystery, this is Wen Ziqing.I don't know when she's happy, when she's not, when she wants it, and when she doesn't.She is affectionate, cold, gentle, rough, considerate, and unreasonable.At this time tenderness is overwhelming, at that time cold and arrogant.

She came to me smiling, very happy, and she said, I want to sleep with you tonight.I said yes, and my heart was filled with sweetness and joy.The nights she came, the nights when it was hard to sleep, the nights where I was in love all night, nights where I wanted to die.

She came, she said, I want to sleep with you tonight, our dormitory is too noisy.I said yes, and my heart was filled with sweetness and joy.I hugged her and kissed her and she said I heard your heart beating fast and I said I didn't and she lay on my chest and listened to my heartbeat and told me I was lying and then let me go and turn around Body, said, go to sleep, I want to sleep.But I can't sleep, I can't sleep no matter what, I can't do it without hugging her or kissing her, really can't do it.After kissing for a while, she said again, I have a headache, forget it, I'd better go back.Then he got up without a sound and walked away.The nights she came, the embarrassing nights, the nights where I wanted to explode and stab myself.

I went and I said, I want to sleep with you tonight.She said yes, you can come.We hug, kiss, caress.We fell asleep.I woke up in the middle of the night, woke up by her kiss, she kissed me, kissed me everywhere, she took my hand and kissed every finger of me.I am intoxicated in love, intoxicated in tenderness and passion.Later she said, I couldn't sleep, I had a headache, and I was so bored.She was so irritable that I had no choice but to go back to sleep.I woke up again around dawn.She said, get up when you wake up, I haven't slept all night, and now I want to sleep alone, her tone is cold and sharp.This person fell asleep, leaving me alone in the dark and cold winter to cry.Those nights, the nights where I didn't know what to do, the nights where I was sad and confused and humiliated.

I went and I said, I want to sleep with you tonight.You'd better go back, I don't want to sleep with you, I can't sleep well with you.She flatly refused.I ran away in those nights, like a thief or a mouse, like a sneaky spy who was found out with ulterior motives, dingy, dingy, and dejected.

We happily went to the teaching building for evening study, and returned to the dormitory happily. I missed her before going to bed, so I ran to her dormitory again, and she said coldly: What are you doing here?I just want to see you, to snuggle into your bed and let you give me a kiss.I said in my heart that I said it when I came here just now, so there is no need to say it now.nothing.This is what I’m talking about now. After I finished speaking, I turned around and went back to my own bed, hung up the mosquito net, drew the curtains, listened to music, shed tears, and imagined killing myself.

Okay, I don't want it anymore, I don't want anything else, forget it, break up the relationship.I gritted my teeth and said in my heart.The letter of severance was written and sent out.Broke off.

After a period of time, the two ran together again, I thought, I am in pain, I regret, my heart aches, and I can't control it.She couldn't control it, she was in pain, and she wanted to.We hugged each other tightly again, as if we finally found ourselves again, finally came alive again, happy and sad at the same time.

I have to admit that I am a slow person. When I was a child, many people said that I was slow and unresponsive. I was not convinced. Now I admit it. After many, many years, I did not admit it until I was middle-aged. At that age, I understood a little bit. Things I should have known earlier.I am very simple, it is too simple, I need people to tell me clearly to know what they think, because I will say what I want clearly and definitely, and I will say without shame, I love you, love you so much, I want to kiss you, I want you, your eyes are so beautiful, I love your eyelashes, I love holding you like this and kissing you like this, I'm so happy, I want to die... She doesn't Said, she never said, she was always so reserved, so proud, so sacrosanct, so easy to turn her face at any time.This heartless girl, this simple girl with only one rectum, thinks she can see many things clearly, but in fact her simplicity is no less than that of a child. act recklessly.