Youth Notes

Regarding beauty, many girls in those days liked to copy Tolstoy's famous saying: "People are not cute because they are beautiful, but they are beautiful because they are cute." Girls in the early 80s still admired the glory of famous sayings and passed them on to their elders. Taught traditional virtues.Just like the once popular phrase "labor is the most glorious", at that time most people still believed that "simpleness is the most beautiful".Later I discovered that the phrase "simple is the most beautiful" is often used to tell others. Most people fantasize, obsess, and pursue "unsophisticated" in their hearts, just like "labor is the most glorious" is used to demand , Educating others is not the same as your own.

The group of boys and girls back then, as well as many, many adults, men, women, old men, and women, were slowly diverted in the noisy debates. Most of them gave up simplicity and embraced fashion, stayed away from the past and chased the trend. Going away cautiously or frankly, of course, there are also people who stick to the "traditional virtues" and stay in the era that is fading away forever. I am a very loyal stickler.

I believe that "labor is the most glorious" and "simplicity is the most beautiful", and I stick to it to a morbid level.

When I was young, I often heard people say that I am pure and elegant, refined and elegant, restrained and temperamental... I have always believed that a plain face and a slovenly appearance are also a kind of beauty.

Throughout middle school, I bought myself a pair of pants and only wore them two or three times because they didn't fit.After high school, except for the school uniform, I wore the shirts and trousers that my father bought too small, my sister’s clothes that I bought too big, and my brother’s shoes—because mine was broken, and I couldn’t buy it back for a while, so I ended up wearing it Been wearing it for a long time...

More than one woman told me that I am beautiful, but it has nothing to do with what I wear.There is also more than one man who said that I have temperament, although I don't need to modify it, and even said that I am pure and pure, which makes him fascinated.

More women have told me that I am old-fashioned. If I could dress up, I might have lived another life. More and more women have said that I am too casual and too unworldly. It's like someone from another world.Some men said, I look like a nanny, a village girl, gray and haggard.Some people also told me in private that I look like a genderless person...

As an adult, I have been transformed by countless people. I have also worn lady skirts, high heels, painted lipstick, painted eyebrows, long hair, perm, dyed hair and jewelry.But those have nothing to do with me in the end, those images and time are always fleeting, it is the fleeting happiness, the joy that keeps flying in those beautiful lights and shadows.I am unhappy, I am unhappy in my bones, she is not me.Only when I returned to the "plain" coat, did I clearly know: I am, I am "here", this is me... The joy, sadness and excitement seem to find a long-lost lover, holding hands Looking at the tearful eyes, I sighed that An Ran has returned to the home of the soul, warm and kind.

I have "belonged" to simplicity.

I was bewitched by "simplicity", and this bewilderment has become a habit.During the "unplain" time, I felt a strong betrayal-like guilt and awkwardness. Even in occasions where "unplainness" was necessary, at least it could not be "perfect" - I would definitely be in "perfect dress" Make a little lack in the middle, or feel uncomfortable - such as ignoring hair loss when everything is shiny...

My love for "simpleness" is actually my fear of "excellence"—the habit of retreating into a relatively safe shell.In many cases, people will equate the beauty with the bad. The confidante is a bit of a misfortune, and the confidante's fate is roughly similar.Beautiful girls will cause trouble, and human civilization seems to be still at such a level.Those good-looking girls in our elementary school were all called goblins, probably the result of "beautiful poison" education-a little boy with a snotty nose knows how to call a beautiful girl a goblin!

So, it's by no means that I don't understand beauty, but my eyes are only on my inner world: it is beautiful, dazzlingly beautiful.I can't see myself, can't see the physical self, ignore the physical self.I don't know and don't want to know how to make myself "beautiful": I don't know how to groom myself, I don't know how to buy clothes, I don't know how to bargain, I don't know how to shop, and I'm afraid to go shopping. As long as I can wear it, whoever gives it to me is fine. As long as I don't have to buy it myself...

So I was never really beautiful and never will be.

Maybe it is really like what Zhong Wen said, my beauty is hidden in my bones.Without Wen Qijun's skin and organs, without Zheng Yan's beauty and gracefulness, without Linna's gentleness and heartiness, so I have "bones", they can see them, but I can't see them...

I have never been a person in this world, my castle is in the air, I am in heaven.

Houses, stars, deserts, something unseen makes them so beautiful.

- Saint-Exupery's words in "The Little Prince".

Beauty is ideal, and there is beauty when there is love.

I am an idealist, so the women I love are all beautiful women, and the women I like and admire are all beautiful women.As for whether I am beautiful or not, when I am narcissistic, I am.And I seem to be narcissistic all the time, because I also think that my beauty is hidden in my bones——

I have always been beautiful in my heaven.