Youth Notes

Which man does not fall in love, which girl does not cherish spring.

I only read "The Sorrows of Young Werther" when I was a sophomore in high school, and I didn't know these two sentences. Of course, I also understood some past events earlier than my sophomore year.

When I was 14 and a half years old and just entered the third year of junior high school, I was "Huaichun" again.

It was a sunny early autumn, I walked under the row of magnolia trees in the school, and saw that boy was fighting with another boy while sweeping the floor, he turned around and I saw the smile that I will never forget: Black Dark and bright Premier Zhou-like eyebrows, deep Premier Zhou-like dimples, and warm Premier Zhou-like smile.At that moment, I suddenly fell in love with him.Suddenly the smile and eyes under the magnolia tree became a meaningful painting.

Love can happen instantly.

I was obsessed with that smile for a semester.At that time, I happened to be very interested in practicing calligraphy, so I practiced harder, practiced after class, practiced whenever there was paper, and practiced his name. Of course, no one could find a flaw in his name: I am full of On a page, use his name to make sentences and word groups, and use his name to make sentences and word groups in a messy order.During those six months, my handwriting improved a lot.

At noon half a year later, I saw another meaningful painting.

When I walked up to our classroom on the second floor from the stairs, on the shady platform, I saw him fighting with another boy again. It was still the same. When he turned around, I saw that smile that I will never forget : Dark and bright Premier Zhou-like eyebrows, deep Premier Zhou-like dimples, warm Premier Zhou-like smile.It's just that the smile and eyes were no longer directed at me, but at another girl.So, this smile and eyes immediately turned into a huge and powerful hand, which lifted and threw away the soft and mysterious veil covering my heart, grabbed the heart and squeezed it vigorously a few times, Squeeze away all those warm, warm, hot, and chaotic things, and put them cleanly and neatly-clear them all.

Wake up from the dream, the sky is clear, it is the vast blue without a cloud, the boundless clear water without a ripple, the clear and vast ice surface without a cloud...

Love is fleeting.

Ambiguous eyes are both beauty and sin.Misreading ambiguous is drunk, painful, or sad.

When I was studying biology in the first year of junior high school, a female classmate said privately: the biology teacher has very sharp eyes, he can tell who is having a period!

In fact, the teachers at that time did not talk about physical hygiene, they only talked about plants and animals, and when it came time to talk about people, they all let the students "self-study".What's more, the physical hygiene content at that time was not taken until the third grade of junior high school.But there are some well-informed girls who seem to know everything, and they knew everything early on. They knew everything when I was still ignorant.Just like the girls around me in the third grade of elementary school, they know about husbands and wives, about "bleeding", pot bellies and giving birth. I don't know anything. When people call me a sow, I call him a boar Everyone laughed so hard that I was still dumbstruck for no reason... Now these junior high school students know that the teacher has special abilities, and they can see the most private things of girls at a glance...

I was skeptical and a little scared.So every time I come to biology class and I have my period again, I feel very uncomfortable, and the teacher's glance over inadvertently seems a little elusive.And the middle-aged male teacher happened to be a gentle and caring teacher, his eyes always had a loving smile, and he felt a little naughty.

Could someone have misread his smile and gaze?

I didn't, but I couldn't stop studying his gaze during biology class: Did he see it?Can you see that I am in an emergency? ——Now I know that this is a misunderstanding.

There is also the easy-going geography teacher with bright eyes, who always smiles when he sees students, and likes to treat students as friends and children.But he cared too much about the girls. He said: "Girls of your age, eating in the school cafeteria is not nutritious enough. When you go home on Saturdays, you have to ask your mother to stew some with Chuanqiong, Baizhi, and Angelica." Drinking soup nourishes the brain and nourishes the blood. Huh? Look, everyone’s face is so pale, without any blood. Huh? Hehe..."

Girls all know that he cares about themselves, but the "blood" and "white complexion" make them feel shy. How can a male teacher say this to a female student casually?

Will someone misread his concern and smile, misread his eyes?

I didn't misread it, but shy. ——But "shame" is the result of misreading.

The eyes are so ambiguous - I didn't know its power until I was in the first year of high school.

That autumn, a girl in our class suddenly called seven or eight of us into the valley behind the school, and said in a clear and eager voice: "You must know why I called you here, I am so bad!"

We were taken aback: Is she bad? !

That is the class flower that we recognize, not the kind of showy class flower. She is articulate, good at singing and dancing, light and elegant in manner, quiet and lively, with excellent grades and excellent popularity.In my eyes, she is a beautiful woman, especially her bright big eyes with blue whites, bright and kind, this word is really suitable for her, I have never seen it before, and I will seldom see it again A kind of beautiful eyes with single eyelids that can "bright eyes and good eyesight"!

"You can all see, I like so-and-so very much, I'm dreaming all day and night, making myself always in a trance, I don't know what to do. I'm so bad..." She lowered her head, no Keep pursing his lips.

We all said that she thinks too much, we all think she is very good and excellent, and we don't know anything...

But her eyes were still full of confusion and guilt, and then tears fell from her big blue eyes. The way she cried was beautiful, sad and erratic.

"I'm really bad. When I was young, I was very lonely and introverted, and I always didn't talk. Later, I always thought about boys. I had a crush on two boys when I was in elementary school. I had a crush on boys for three years in junior high school. It's still the same now. I can't take it anymore, I really don't know what to do, I'm so bad, I have no shame..."

How did that happen?We have always thought that you are very lively, cheerful and confident.A girl who had been her classmate for six years asked.

"It's all an illusion. I'm not confident at all. I've always been inferior. I always want someone to care about me and like me. I know those boys like me very much. They look at me very special. When I saw I can't help but think about them like that in their eyes, and sometimes I think about them all day long, but I dare not be nice to them. Now I can't help it anymore." She spoke urgently, her big bright eyes confessed Looking at us innocently again, there are two autumn lakes blown by the wind.

Maybe you misunderstood it?And it's not bad to like a boy, don't blame yourself like this.The classmate said.

"No, the way they look at me is really special. I also know that teacher XX likes me, and teacher XX likes me too, I can tell. I think maybe I'm too bad, and it's easy to cause Their attention. I seduced them."

There are many kinds of likes, not all of them mean that.The classmates were relieved.

"Maybe, but I can't help thinking about it, and sometimes it makes my head hurt. I can't sleep during this time, I can't sleep all night, just thinking about it. I think I'm yellow ...I'm really good, bad, and mean." She even smiled slightly as she spoke, showing her neat white teeth.In order to adjust the boring study life in high school, she once went to the podium to teach the students in our class to sing. I often looked at her neat white teeth and admired her clever articulation and cheerful smile. own.

"I always thought you could see it. You are all my trusted friends. I don't want to deceive you. I don't want you to despise me..."

……

Swallows don't explore the spring, she, who is as light as a swallow and as light as a swallow, finally dropped out of school.Not because the whole school knew it, not because the boy didn't like her, and it wasn't because the two teachers didn't like her either, but because she had to go to the doctor.

A year later, she returned to school and became our junior sister, but she has lost her charm.When we met many years later, looking at this middle-aged woman with a bloated belly bigger than her buttocks, I was smiling, but my heart was crying, no, it was mourning, it was mourning for the youth who died young, and it was tears. sad.

"Your personality is still so good, you are still so optimistic and cheerful, I really envy you!" She smiled and praised me.

I also responded with a smile.If she knew how I grew up and what is behind my "optimism and cheerfulness", would she be more confident?

Not for love, but I've been thinking about this girl and thinking about this:

If ambiguous (or just friendly) eyes meet a sensitive and especially desolate and depressed heart, it is a dangerous and terrible thing.