nib boy

On the eve of winter vacation, parents will come as scheduled.

In the evening, after school was over early, Bai Yuze was left by Yuhuan to help, and when he shuttled neatly between the seats to distribute the test papers and grade slips, he received her sincere approval and encouragement as expected.

"No...Thanks to the teacher asking Leng Shan to help with tutoring, otherwise I would be helpless now." Bai Yuze argued with a busy smile.In fact, what he said was not all humility. Without that person, he would not have made such obvious progress in a short period of time anyway.

In this way, after my mother sees the final report card, the smile will probably stay on her face for a while longer.he thinks.

Seeing that the time was almost up, the parents were already wandering outside the corridor. After Bai Yuze led the last parent to his seat, he was ready to retire.Holding the shoulder strap of his schoolbag and walking towards the door, he inadvertently turned his head and glanced at the room for the last time, but suddenly found an eye-catching empty seat, which happened to be behind him.

Why... no one came?

Since today was the last time I officially arrived at school before the school holidays, everyone packed up and went home early after school. Both the dormitory area and the playground were deserted.

Bai Yuze stepped out of the gate of the teaching building with his bag on his shoulders unhurriedly. When passing by the bicycle shed, he accidentally caught a familiar figure.The man was leaning on the fence with one hand on the car seat, and the other arm was casually resting on his side. His silent gaze seemed to stay at one point forever.

His footsteps were like being possessed by an evil spirit, and he couldn't move any further. Bai Yuze and him were a few meters away and just stared at him stupidly until Leng Shan silently looked back and fixed his eyes as if he had noticed something.An expression similar to surprise mixed with softness flashed across his face for a moment, and he quickly returned to calm.

Facing the plain sight of the other party, Bai Yuze couldn't help but start to beat faster. Bai Yuze had no choice but to break the awkward embarrassment of speechlessness first: "Ah...you haven't gone back yet? Are you waiting for your parents?"

"...No." Leng Shan seemed to have nothing to say after saying these two words.He didn't know what else to say, but he couldn't tell the man in front of him that he had nowhere to go before he went to work in the bar at night.Anyway, he wouldn't go back home even if he was beaten to death. It would be disgusting to see Jin Ke's smirking face when he went back in the middle of the night. He didn't want to let this unpleasant feeling come early.

Naturally, Bai Yuze didn't know what he was thinking when he frowned, he hesitated for a while and then mustered up the courage to ask, "Then...are you free now?"

Until the two of them sat face to face in KFC's warm and spring-like shop, Leng Shan hadn't recovered from what he had done.

As far as his current position is concerned, this kind of request should be rejected at all, but the other party's reasons make him unable to shirk it.

"I still owe you a meal. This time it happens to make up for the end of the term."

What can he say?There is obviously nowhere to go to idle scum, even the blind can see it. ...forget it.In fact, he knew that these were just excuses.Isn't it because he longed to be alone with him that I came with him?

"What do you want to eat?" Just sighing to himself, Bai Yuze had already stood up and asked naturally, ready to order food.

"Just be the same as you." Habitually blurted out, Leng Shan then smiled wryly.I remember that every time the two of us went out to eat together, it was like this. I didn't care about what to order, so I simply saved the trouble of choosing, as long as it was the same as him.Therefore, I was able to gradually understand many of his unique little habits.

No matter what I eat, I don’t want to dip it in seasonings, even dumplings and French fries.Do not touch onion, ginger, and garlic, and green peppers and coriander can be proved for the same reason.I despise the meat floss bread, and the tomato and egg soup has always only picked up the white ones, leaving the bright and innocent fruits alone.Leng Shan thinks he is a waste every time, saying that you don't eat it for me.Hearing the words, the young man scratched his head in embarrassment, and murmured stiffly, then don't force yourself, idiot.

Even what you like is liked, and what you don't like is even more to be liked for you.Otherwise, how can I truly accept a person who has nothing to do with me in this world? ...

Soon Bai Yuze brought back two set meals, and the two started to eat without talking.

"Speaking of which, you didn't return the coat I borrowed when you sent me to Xie Zhe's house last time." Leng Shan looked up at him as he lowered his head and chewed french fries with relish, "I won't have a chance to meet you after the holiday, why don't you Give me your phone number, and I'll send it to you in two days."

Look, it was another request that he couldn't refuse.It was reasonable and reasonable, without the slightest coercion.However, virtually, he had no way out.

Leng Shan silently took out his mobile phone and called him, Bai Yuze hung up with a smile. "Then you wait for my news. I may come to the door one day."

"...Okay." There was an arc on his lips that was similar to a smile, and he agreed simply.The vague uneasiness was probably also covered up by the expectation.Let's think about the future.

After the chatterbox was opened, Bai Yuze was no longer restrained, and gradually chattered more.But those little chats that are not connected are just foreshadowing for the future to get to the core.

People around came and went, and before their food was almost finished, Bai Yuze finally took a deep breath and asked what was on his mind. "...Actually, I have never rejected the feelings between the same sex. You and your brother...it must be very hard to be together."

Fir Shan, who had managed to talk more slowly, immediately darkened upon hearing the words, and didn't speak out for a long while.Bai Yuze secretly groaned in his heart, but now that he was riding a tiger, he could only bite the bullet and continue: "Well, I have no other intentions... I just think that you have probably experienced a lot of things... But as long as you can be with the person you like, you don't have to. Caring about other people's eyes...I, I'm definitely on your side."

... Shit, what the hell did I say in such a mess just now! !Wanting to cry but without tears, he bit the plastic straw fiercely in the increasingly stiff atmosphere, drooping his head listlessly, he didn't see that the expression of the person opposite him softened a little. "……Thanks."

It took a long time to realize that he said those words to himself. Bai Yuze was overwhelmed and said in panic, "It's nothing...don't worry, I won't tell anyone about what happened that night."

Leng Shan gave him a very shallow smile, even though that smile seemed a bit bitter to Bai Yuze.Suddenly remembered that Xie Zhe had said that he was forced to be with his current lover. Although he didn't understand it very well, at least Bai Yuze knew that there must be too much unspeakable melancholy in his heart.

"Don't give up on the person you really like easily. Maybe there is only one chance in this life. Difficulties will always exist. It would be foolish to let go without trying to hold on tightly."

I don't know whether these words are to persuade him or to comfort myself.Bai Yuze smiled, his eyes suddenly became calm, and he no longer dodged. "You still have a chance... Unlike me, the lost things can't be found anymore."

Facing Fir Shan's questioning gaze, Bai Yuze pursed his lips pretending to be relaxed.No matter how heavy the heart is, as long as you talk about it, it will be much better.Chen Ye once told him so.So, let's try it.

"... I had an illness more than a year ago. After waking up, I don't remember anything. Whether it was me or the most important person in my heart... I forgot all of them."

I don't even know whether those memories are more sweet or more painful, so I just missed it.Perhaps, it was a fateful miss.

"It's okay to miss it. I'm no longer the original me, and no matter how close I am, I may not be able to accept it. Although losing memory seems passive, it saves both parties from being sad. It's simple enough..."

It's obviously not what's in your heart, but you have to pretend to be free and easy when facing people you care about.Humans are really a group of vain creatures who want to save face.Bai Yuze thought to himself mockingly.

Fir Shan's dark eyes tried hard to hide the emotions that were about to surge out, and after he finished speaking, he silently took a sip of Coke.

"...you have to be clear," he sternly told himself to shut up, but if he kept holding back some words, he would really miss them. "The person who really likes you doesn't care what you become. Because in his eyes, you are the only one."

……like me.like him.

In this life, I only want to run after that cluster of starlight, whether it is dim or falling, but I never change direction.Just because it was the only gleam of dawn that could illuminate the desolation in the eyes before the dawn.

It was getting late, and there were fewer pedestrians on the road after the rush hour.

The two walked side by side along the street unhurriedly after eating, neither of them mentioned parting first.It wasn't until later that they passed the door of the bar that Yao Lu had brought them to that Leng Shan stopped and turned to look at him. "I'm going to work here at night, so go home quickly."

"Part-time job?" Bai Yuze was stunned for a moment, for some reason, all the scenes of R18 were flashed in his mind, and he blurted out short of breath on impulse: "Be a cowboy?"

"...No, I'm singing here. =="

Only then did Bai Yuze realize his gaffe, and he immediately smirked a few times to cover up, "Ah, that's right... Actually, I was just joking, just joking." After two seconds, he suddenly realized, "Singing? ...Ah, yes!" He slapped his head.

Fir Shan looked at him in bewilderment.

"Hey, are you interested in forming a band with me and some friends? Although there are fewer people, but all the guys are complete, everything is ready and we only need a lead singer." Bai Yuze's eyes sparkled when he said this, as excited as finding a treasure abnormal.Well, if you wag your tail, it will look exactly like a large dog.

Naturally, Leng Shan knew who the "several friends" in his mouth were, and even foresaw the terrible consequences of joining him at the same time. "...Let's forget it. After all, your friend and I..." He hesitated to speak.

This is simply not a matter of compatibility or not. If one is not careful, it can trigger a nuclear [uh-huh] war.

"Ah...it's okay. I didn't think carefully." Although he was a little disappointed, Bai Yuze still smiled flawlessly.What the hell was he thinking, that he casually threw out such a stupid proposal.It must be a ghost if they can get along.

"Then I'll leave first. You'll be late for work later. I'll contact you in a few days." Saying goodbye wisely, Bai Yuze turned around and took a breath, and walked towards the station not far away. .After taking two steps, he turned around and hesitated. "Well...if you need help with anything, just call me. When there is no one to talk about your troubles...I am free anytime."

He lightly curled his lips to see his back gradually drifting away again under the dim street lights until he could no longer be seen.I don't know how long he stared at it, but when he turned around his stiff body, he was caught by a puff of cigarettes.

Leng Shan frowned, looked at the tall young man with an arrogant smile, and said nothing.Yao Lu, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically hooking the two brothers on one of his shoulders with cigarettes in their mouths. They leaned forward and said in a low voice, "...you brat. Tell me honestly, that person you like is my little white boy." ?..."

Maybe he didn't bother to hide it at all, Leng Shan also lit a cigarette and put it on his lips, walked around him expressionlessly and walked directly to the bar door. "...If you dare to let him know, I will poison your wine immediately."

"Fuck, so ruthless? I never heard of being a teacher for one day and being a father for life, you bastard." Dissatisfied, he followed up with his hands in his pockets and cursed. Seeing the silent walking figure in front of him as unmoved as before, Yao Lu Then he shrugged like an adult who doesn't remember the villain's mistakes. "Forget it. Poisoning or whatever you like, as long as you don't use aphrodisiac [ummm] medicine."

++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Leng Shan received a call from Bai Yuze, it was only four days since the two met for the last time.

The weather at the end of the new year is getting colder and colder, and only a blur of skylight can be glimpsed through the shadowy ice flowers on the window.Everything is unknown.

The voice on the other side of the microphone was a little reserved, and one could even imagine him sitting nervously on the other end of the phone.It's just a piece of clothing, but the two of them who are frequently in the cold are trying to reconcile the atmosphere as if they are having an affair.

"My home is not far from the school. What kind of car do you usually take to school, and I will pick you up at the station."

"Ah... I usually take No. 27. Do you know where it stops?"

"Well. Shake me with your phone two stops before getting off the bus, and I'll be there right away."

After Bai Yuze hung up the phone, his breathing was still a little unsteady.After all, the sense of sight of this date is too strong, how can he control himself not to think about it.

Carefully folded that person's coat and put it in a paper bag, Bai Yuze simply put on his underwear and went out.

In fact, his home is not too far from the school, and it takes more than 20 minutes by bus to get there easily.Of course, he didn't forget to report to Fir Shan in advance. Before the car stopped on the side of the road, he saw the tall and straight figure of that person standing quietly in front of the stop sign from a distance.The expression was as indifferent as ever, and the silver-gray headphone cable showed a curve in the open neckline.

"Have you been waiting for a long time?" This was the first sentence he said when he got out of the car and came forward to meet him.

The other party was facing each other, but after approaching, he naturally took the paper bag in his hand, and put his hat drooping behind his back over his head. "...The temperature has cooled down today." After finishing speaking, she even looked at him with a relaxed expression.

To Bai Yuze, the power of this glimpse is no less than an electric shock.He stiffened and choked for a long time before he squeezed out the next line he had prepared in advance: "Well... is it convenient to come to your house for a while?"

Seeing that Leng Shan frowns slightly is a moment of hesitation, Bai Yuze observes his words and just wants to gag the topic before he is embarrassed to refuse, but he hears his deep and cool voice: "...OK."

This time Leng Shan was finally sure that facing such an ignorant face, it wasn't that she couldn't refuse, but that she didn't want to refuse.Fortunately, that guy Jin Ke hasn't come to the door for many days.Maybe there is something urgent to deal with at the end of the year, so go back to Haicheng.

It's not that he hasn't thought about the consequences of being exposed, he doesn't care what he does, he just hopes that Bai Yuze won't be involved with that person's ruthlessness.

From the moment he entered the corridor, Bai Yuze could hardly hide the shock in his eyes.

This, this, this... Who said that Leng Shan's family belonged to the second generation of rich? !As long as it is not idle brain twitch who decides to go down to experience the hard life at the bottom, which rich second generation will condescend to live in such a place? ...

Feeling uneasy, he raised his head and glanced at Fir Shan. Bai Yuze, who was still trying to stir up the topic, finally didn't know what to say.It's all my fault that I said with a shy face that I wanted to go to someone's house... Now it's done, it's embarrassing.The real conditions are so tight, a person with such a strong self-esteem must not want to be bumped into his residence by the people around him in private... and I still want to hit the gun!

Bai Yuze wanted to cry, but watched Leng Shan take out a key from his pocket, and unscrewed the painted iron door in front of him.

The room is indeed very simple, with basically no furniture, and the windows are all facing the backlight, giving people a cold and desolate feeling as a whole.

"You sit down first, I'll get you a cup of hot water." Leading Bai Yuze to the old sofa, Leng Shan greeted him briefly and walked towards the kitchen.

The temperature in the room was very low. Bai Yuze sat on the sofa and hesitated for a while, but he still didn't take off his cotton jacket, but only slightly opened the zipper on his chest.Stretching out his hand to hold the steaming cup brought by the fir tree, he felt sore for some reason and felt very uncomfortable.It seems that I have never had a good understanding of the person in front of me from the beginning, and I am not qualified to talk about liking.

"It's quite cold in the room." Leng Shan watched him slowly drink half of the water in the glass, and then offered to take it for him.When the lukewarm water was poured into the cup, there was no splash.

"...Are you cold?" After a few seconds of silence, he raised his eyelashes slightly and asked him.

Bai Yuze bit his lower lip fiercely, and the pain quietly hit his chest, making him speechless.

What can I do for him now?Whether it's the desolation of the family at the moment, or the forbidden love that makes him unable to escape——

No.Nothing can be done.

This is called reality.

The reality is that no matter what situation the person in front of me with the sad stories behind him is in, it has nothing to do with his emotions, he will always maintain a flat and stern appearance, even if his ashen and incomplete heart is colder than despair, he still has to raise his eyes to make waves Ask him softly, not surprised, are you cold?

The person who really needs warmth is obviously you.

All these years of walking alone, has there ever been such a person who held your empty hand when you were in an ice cave, and asked you, are you cold? ...

After less than an hour of silent confrontation, Bai Yuze got up to leave.

In fact, it was not silent, during which Bai Yuze also tried to ease the atmosphere several times, but that person refused to cooperate as usual.As the saying goes, too much talk is bound to fail, Bai Yuze finally decided to go home first after swallowing the phrase "Are you going to sleep alone in this room at night?"Staying here is also creating obstacles for each other.

Leng Shan didn't make any unnecessary gestures, and just said lightly, then I'll take you to the car.Bai Yuze smiled and refused: "It's okay. It's too cold outside, so you should stay at home. I'll contact you after the Chinese New Year."

When he came to the door and put on his shoes, he hesitated and turned his head.Leng Shan was standing right behind him, her black eyes were staring at him without blinking.With a thought in his mind, Bai Yuze lowered his eyes and said lightly for a long time, "You...don't push yourself too hard."

Leng Shan's eyes softened a little, she didn't answer, she just shifted her body and opened the door for him, then supported the young man's thin shoulders and gently moved forward, a very shallow arc appeared on her lips.

"...Be careful on the road."

The sound of the door closing was still echoing in the room, Fir Shan slowly leaned against the door frame and lit a cigarette.

In the lingering smoke, there was nothing else but the man's increasingly clear eyebrows and eyes.

The decision at the beginning was willing, but in the end it was not a matter of reluctance.

I didn't push myself.Because is you……

He walked towards the back room with slightly heavy steps, but when he saw Jin Ke's familiar mocking face, he froze, and his mind went blank for an instant.

What, when did he...

"It seems that he is busy greeting guests, and he didn't even notice that I'm here." The young man sat on the bed with his legs crossed in a smart leather outfit even in winter, and looked at the doorway. lips. "I just wanted to say goodbye to you, but now it seems that it is not so easy to finish."

Standing up silently and walking in front of him, Jin Ke raised his hand and pulled out the cigarette that was unconsciously dangling from Fir Shan's mouth, and bit his tightly closed lips lightly. ...

I don't know how many times.Leaning against the soft but cold mattress, the man's breathing became heavier and heavier with the movement range.From being full of hatred at the beginning, to now I just want to close my eyes and then faint and even don't know anything about it.

It's not because I'm numb to the habit that I don't hate it.For all the humiliation this man has brought to him from the past to the present, sooner or later he will have to repay him twice.Deliberately ignoring the gentle rubbing of the skin of the lips and teeth, the heat spreading from the intercourse will only engender the tarsal bone erosion.

At times like this before, he never opened his eyes to look at him.But this time, Jin Ke suddenly squeezed his chin tightly, forcing him to open his eyes.After persisting for a short time, he knew that if he didn't follow his will, he would definitely be tortured more intensely in the future.So, he reluctantly opened his eyes slowly.

The moment the eyes meet, Leng Shan finds that Jin Ke's eyes are clear for the first time, peeling off layers of haze and violence, he thinks it turns out that this man's eyes when he was swallowed by lust [ummm] are so different from usual, very clear , very young and incredible.

But so what.

He wanted it, but he couldn't ignore this unusual sense of disobedience.It's like he knew that the person in front of him's covetousness for his body could be attributed to the beast named desire, but when he sat silently by the bed afterwards, he would still remember to tuck up the quilt for his half-dream and half-awake self.

So, so what.

During orgasm, even his own body fluids are blocked. He and he are like polar solvents and non-polar solutes, which are never compatible. ...

Jin Ke quietly lay on his shoulders for a short time, then propped up his upper body with excess energy, held his hand against his hot chest, his voice was hoarse. "...You have to know that betrayal will only make me more unwilling to let you go. You, and him."

After the blankness in the eyes peeled off, there was a cold indifference.He wanted to withdraw his hand, but he refused.It seems that the pupils, which are deeper than before, do not have the kind of creepy and unpredictability that makes people shudder, which makes Leng Shan a little difficult to resist.

"You—" The heart resting on the hand is so calm, what does it matter to me whether I trust my eyes or my heart?I don't care.I understood, so I sighed: "...you are forcing me. I can't resist. If you can't win, I won't lose."

How could the man in front of him understand what love is.He only knows that all things in the world are divided into two categories: owned things and non-owned things.The belongings that are no longer desired can be discarded at will regardless of life and death, while the non-property of the favorites should be taken as their own even if they are taken by force, murdered and set on fire.

Leng Shan knew very well that he would never hand himself over to this man and allow him to take advantage of him.This temporary physical relationship under unilateral coercion will come to an end one day.

I don't know who once said that true love is for nostalgia, the more you lose, the more nostalgic you will be.Desires are for satisfaction, the more you possess, the more you want to throw them away.

Anyway, after so many years, he has already gotten used to being abandoned by others, so it doesn't matter.What's more, it is better to cut off such a dirty and contemptuous fate as soon as possible. ...

He forgot how long the two of them had been deadlocked in the dark that day, anyway, he closed his eyes and fell asleep without knowing it.

When I woke up the next day, there was no one beside my pillow.

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