lonely patient

For the next week, I learned how to cook with my aunt at home.

Wen Luming said that I can't bear the monotonous and peaceful life, I don't think so.Every day I was with him was fulfilling, even if I just stood by the kitchen door and watched him cook, and occasionally helped him pass a plate, it would make me feel happy and secure.

I am not as attached to the sensual life as he thought, and I blame myself for never saying these things to him.

Wen Luming likes to eat Chinese food. I learned a few home-cooked dishes that are not so difficult, and after repeated practice, I finally made them decently.

On my birthday, I woke up early and couldn't wait to call him to tell him my home address. There was a moment of silence over there, and I repeated what I said, with doubts at the end.

I thought of something, most of my joy was extinguished, and I explained clumsily: "This is my own home, and no one else has ever been here. Last time, it wasn't my home, I just borrowed it... I slept for a while... bedroom, without him..."

"I see." Wen Luming said flatly, "You don't need to explain to me."

"It works." I was afraid that he would still mind, so I said anxiously, "I really don't, trust me."

"Yan Qiao," the other side sighed, "you don't have to do this."

"……sorry."

"Who and what to do is your freedom, there is no need to change yourself into another person for me. I know the address, and I will go tonight."

After Wen Luming finished speaking, he hung up the phone, and I stood there holding the phone, feeling a sense of loss that I had never felt before.

He didn't say happy birthday to me.

Forget it, it's okay, I'll talk about it tonight.I comfort myself.

Happy last birthday at the beginning of twenties.

I spent a morning preparing ingredients, and an afternoon taking care of myself, taking a bath, skin care, choosing clothes, and doing hair, until I couldn't find any faults inside and out. I stood in front of the mirror and looked inside The person who is so delicate and gleaming from hair strands to fingernails has finally regained a little confidence.

Wen Luming will never hate me like this...

The cake arrived on time, I put it on the table and went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.When the last plate of stewed beef brisket with potatoes was served, the doorbell just rang. I hurriedly took off my apron to open the door, and saw Wen Luming holding a bouquet of white tulips outside.

He changed into a new pair of rimless glasses, and he also wore cufflinks that he seldom wears. He looked rare and solemn.

"Happy birthday." He said with a slight smile.

I haven't seen him smile for a long time, and I felt sour somewhere in my heart, pretending to look down at the flowers, and said, "Please come in."

The house I live in is large and empty, with few furniture, and it seems that there are almost no traces of life. Wen Luming came in and took a look around, walked to the dining table and put down the flowers.

I helped him pull out the chair, sat on the opposite side, and said, "Today's dishes are all cooked by myself."

"You did it?" He really didn't believe it.

I smiled embarrassingly, "Auntie also said that I am smart and learn quickly. But I only learn these few for the time being, and I will learn others slowly in the future."

After talking about it, Wen Luming's eyes darkened, and he said, "Yan Qiao..."

"I want to learn it myself, it's none of your business." I can already guess what he's going to say, "Wen Luming... can you stop telling me, no, no, no need... In this case? Everything I do is voluntary, and I have no delusion to get your response. Even if you will never like me or be with me again in the future, I will do the same. "

Even though it was just a hypothesis, when I thought of the possibility that he would not be with me again, my sadness swallowed me like a flood in an instant.

Wen Luming looked at me, his new rimless glasses made his gaze deeper.After a while, he whispered sorry.

"It's okay." I pulled the corners of my mouth, gave him a relaxed smile, moved the cake between us, lit the candles on it, and said, "I'm going to make a wish."

Wen Luming also smiled lightly, "Yes."

I closed my eyes, put my palms together, and made a serious wish in the flickering firelight.

Opening my eyes, I met Shangwen Luming's eyes staring at me, the long-lost throbbing hit my heart, I shook my head, and felt my cheeks were hot.

After understanding liking and love, thinking of the way he looked at me in the past, it turned out that he was not innocent.

Wen Luming took out a small box from his pocket and handed it to me, saying, "Happy birthday."

My breathing stopped suddenly, and an unrealistic idea popped up in my mind.I took the box and opened it, but the inside was not what I imagined.

"I was very worried the day you were in a car accident, and I asked for this talisman after I came back." He said, "I hope you are safe and well, and take care of yourself when I'm not around."

His tone was indifferent, as if he had really let go of something.Suddenly an inexplicable panic surged in my heart, I closed the box and said, "I can't, I can't do it...I just want you by my side, nothing else."

"Yan Qiao." Wen Luming sighed, "In the future, someone who is really suitable for you will appear, but that person is not me."

"Why can't it be you?" I clenched the small box in my hand, my eyelashes trembling, "Do you really not care? Even if I sleep with someone else, get married, and spend the rest of my life together, don't you care?"

When he said the word "go to bed", he frowned imperceptibly, and a dim light flashed in his eyes.

"I'm talking about sex, not with an omega, but with an alpha." I looked at him and said, "Just like you and me."

"Yan Qiao," Wen Luming finally responded, "That's your private matter and has nothing to do with me."

I was really upset to see him, and I didn't dare to continue talking.

"I'm sorry..." I lowered my eyes, my voice gradually weakened, "I'm talking nonsense, I won't sleep with others. Today is my birthday, don't be angry with me."

Wen Luming's expression showed helplessness, he shook his head and said, "I'm not angry."

"Try this, I remember you like fried eggs with shrimps." I pushed the plate towards him and changed the subject.Because of its simplicity, this was the most successful dish I made tonight.

Seeing him put a piece of egg into his mouth, I couldn't wait to ask: "How is it?"

Wen Luming was a little uncomfortable being stared at by me, swallowed the food in his mouth and said, "Well, it's good."

Then he noticed my fingers and asked, "What happened to the hand?"

I froze for a moment, retracted the two fingers wrapped in Band-Aids into my palm, and said, "Accidentally cut... It's inevitable when you're just learning how to cook."

Wen Luming didn't care too much, nodded and said, "Be careful next time."

"Got it." I thought of the cake again, and asked, "Do you want to eat the cake? I'll cut a piece for you."

The cake I ordered today is also Wen Luming's favorite taste, I cut two of the most beautiful pieces, and gave one to him and the other to myself.Although I don't like sweets, sharing a birthday cake with him still makes me feel rare sweetness and peace.

We haven’t sat down to eat together for a long time. I’m alone at home these days. I have to turn on the projector at night to let the light and sound in the room to be able to sleep. In addition to being busy at the company during the day, I just go home and learn how to cook with my aunt. After making a lot of food, I was not in the mood to eat it, so my aunt packed it all up and took them home.

In this kind of life, I miss Wen Luming more and more, miss his gentle hug, and miss the feeling of home he brought me.

I think if he never forgives me, then I will always miss it, and finally spend the rest of my life full of regrets.

But will he really never forgive me... I dare not think again.

The night was getting darker, the lights were not turned on in the dining room, only the candlestick on the table exuded a warm and ambiguous light, something was slowly flowing between me and Wen Luming, I summoned up my courage and asked: "Professor Wen, can I Can you think that if you promised to celebrate my birthday, you agreed to my pursuit of you?"

Wen Luming didn't answer my question, the candlelight reflected in his eyes, like a distant light at the turn of day and night, which cannot be chased or reached.

I hadn't even touched a drop of alcohol, and I was still unable to extricate myself from drowning in his eyes.

Finally, he slowly raised his eyes to look at me and said, "I still hope that you don't waste your energy on things that have no results."

"Waste..." I unconsciously repeated these two words, feeling bitter and astringent in my heart, I shook my head and said, "I am willing to waste on you."

Wen Luming remained silent.

I pushed the chair away and walked in front of him, knelt on the ground, boldly put my arms around his waist, and gently pressed my face against it, saying, "I miss you so much."

"Wen Luming, I miss you so much."

I feel his body temperature and heartbeat, which used to belong to me.

He raised his hand hesitantly, and stroked my hair like a homeless puppy.I had a sore nose and said, "As long as you say you don't love me anymore, I will never pester you again. You say it."

Wen Luming froze and didn't speak.

I know that he can't say it, and I also know that the reason why he gave up on me was never because of love or not, so I dare to approach him without fear and touch him from a safe distance.

He stopped my hand and said, "Yan Qiao."

I raised my head, looked at him misty, held his hand and moved it to my lips, lowered my eyes and lightly kissed his fingertips.

As much as he knows my body, I know how to make him emotional.The gentle and turbulent pheromone spread, Wen Luming suddenly pressed my shoulder hard and said, "No."

I looked at him, and the tears that had accumulated in my eyes finally rolled down my cheeks.

"Just this once, don't reject me..."