winter suicide plan

===================

In the evening, the vegetable area is crowded with people.When I was there, the wet vegetables were on my right, and everyone was picking them, but I couldn't start, and I was gradually squeezed out.I watched from the outside, digging my knuckles unconsciously, and began to want to leave, go back to the room, and stay in the airtight closet.

I seem to be stared at by people passing by, eyes following me like a shadow, looking at me, frowning, eyes that think I am a strange person pass by me.

I took a few steps back and pulled up the mask, the wound was brushed, and the pain followed.The phone buzzed a few times.

Tang Fengxing: [Go home early after get off work, be careful when you go home, I will leave work as soon as possible, don't wait for me to eat. 】

Me: [Not good. 】

Tang Fengxing: [What's wrong? 】

I read the message several times, and typed [What time do you leave work? 】

Tang Fengxing: [Now we have a break in the middle, hurry up, nine o'clock. 】

Me: [I'm going out to buy groceries, what do you want to eat? 】

I see the message flashing a few times while typing, after a pause.

I think he told me not to cook and eat dinner at nine o'clock, it's too late.

Tang Fengxing: [Tomato]

Me: 【It’s not what I want to eat, it’s what you want to eat. 】

Tang Fengxing: [I want to eat tomatoes, remember to buy Pleurotus eryngii.Buy some more meat you want to eat]

Tang Fengxing: [Go out and walk more if you can, and buy more if you have an appetite. You have lost a lot of weight recently. 】

I sent an "hmmm" emoji, turned off the phone, lowered the brim of my hat, approached with some fear, quickly lowered my head to pack a few tomatoes, turned around and wanted to go to the seafood area, kept avoiding people, picked out narrow vacant position.

The air dwindled and became crowded.I try to adjust myself with deep breaths, and I see the staff who are buying river prawns in front of me.Auntie was wearing a white hat and overalls with white and red stripes, and she raised her eyelids to me.

"buy what?"

I was startled, my heart trembled, and I shivered and forgot all the things I was going to buy just now.The water tank in front of me was bubbling, I hesitated, and the voice leaked from the mask: "This shrimp..."

"What, speak louder, I can't hear you."

I grabbed the plastic bag of tomatoes tightly, and there was a rustling sound in my head, like the black and white TV set in my grandfather's house that had no signal.

"Shrimp, this!" I pointed my fingers.

"How much do you want?" Auntie seemed a little impatient.

How many?

How much does two people eat?

How did I buy groceries before?

I suddenly found that I had been in depression for too long and rarely went out. Sometimes I would stay motionless on the bed, or hide in the closet, burying myself with clothes, and finally was pulled out by Tang Fengxing, and I could only take medicine to adjust.

I looked down at my shoes, and no matter what, I couldn't open my mouth or make a sound from my throat.Why can't I even do grocery shopping?What to do, what to do?

Auntie glanced at me, stood in a stalemate for a long time, and sighed: "You young man buys less vegetables and eats takeaways all the time. How thin do you look? You don't know how much you buy. How many people eat?"

I quickly said, "Two...two people."

She picked it up for me, and the prawns in the thick black bag were lifted to my hand. I was filled with a sudden sense of accomplishment, and I quickly thanked me and left the seafood area.

These looked too bland, and I was afraid that Tang Fengxing would not have any chili to eat, which would not satisfy his appetite.There was no chili sauce at home, so I went to the sauce section, picked out the chili sauce he often bought, squatted down and picked for a while, and finally found that there was red chopped chili in the glass jar.I was happy to go to pay the bill, when a person standing next to me happened to be in the opposite direction, collided with my heel, and the jar fell to the ground. Before realizing its value, he hugged Mother Earth and ended his life worth 17.9 yuan.

Chili oil, chopped chili and glass shards were mixed together, choking me to tears in my eyes. I didn't care about Sanqi 21, I reached out and grabbed the chili sauce and glass shards together, and gathered them together, for fear of dirtying other people's feet .

Shards of glass lodged in the palms, in the flesh of the fingers.I don't feel pain.I am even more afraid of other people's scolding, from the language, from the eyes, it will become concrete, piercing my heart, making it impossible for me to continue to survive.

I am more ashamed, miserable, useless.

Why can't I even hold a chili sauce, so I can only be like this?

"Don't grab it, I'll get a garbage shovel to clean it up. I'll give you the money later, and you can buy another can." The person who just collided with me grabbed my wrist, and I looked at him tremblingly.

Obviously, he was stunned, and said puzzledly: "Didn't you just drop it and get the sauce? You haven't paid yet. Why are you crying so much that I bully you."

"Ge Le, what are you doing here? There are so many people gathered?" Wen Duliang walked over from the other shelf, and when he saw me, he was also stunned, surprised that I would come to such a crowded place.

"Chen Shuning, what are you...Ge Le, what did you do?"

"Can you stop talking about me as soon as you come up? Have you seen the process clearly? After finally meeting to buy some food, you get angry at me. I owe you money?"

Wen Duliang dragged me up and pulled me down behind me: "If you want to quarrel, find someone else, I don't have time to quarrel with you. Don't make things big."

Gele stroked his curly hair, and said disdainfully with his lips under the high bridge of his nose, "Cut, you know you are protecting others, and I haven't seen you speak for me." He asked the nearby staff for cleaning tools.

I wasn't afraid of crowded places before, but now I can't even find a reason to start being afraid.

I lowered the brim of my hat again and watched the people around me disappear. Wen Duliang handed me a tissue and wiped off the chili oil, but glass shards got into my palms and I had to go to the hospital to pick them out.

"But I promised Tang Fengxing to cook."

"Who is he? You are injured like this, and you still want to cook for him?" Gele put his hands in his pockets, his unhealthy yellow curly hair fluttering in the breeze.

"He...he...it's me..." I dodged my eyes, not too embarrassed to say it.

"Oh! My friend! I understand, I understand." Ge Le squinted and smiled.

But I lowered my head and couldn't help thinking, can a person like me really have someone who likes me?

Wen Duliang bumped Gele with his elbow, and Gele bumped back in displeasure: "You still have to be kind enough to take him to the hospital, you are really a goddamn bodhisattva, good brother, when will you love me?"

Wen Duliang glanced at Ge Le with a headache: "If you say these words again, get out. You... Come with me, I'll take a taxi to take you to the hospital."

I shook my head: "It's too much trouble for you, it's okay, you can go, this is my problem. You...you can do your things."

Ge Le pulled Wen Duliang's shoulder: "Let's go, today is a time I haven't won easily, don't want to run away."

After Wen Duliang told me that the road was safe, he was taken away by Gele.

I don't want to make it difficult for anyone to sacrifice their time to help me.I shied away a few times, but Wen Duliang had no choice but to give up. The scar left by the chili oil on the palm was sharp and painful.I found a nearby hospital, simply registered and waited, and the shrimp in my hand stopped bouncing.There was some blood on the bag, which was darkened by oxidation.

It's easy to pick it out. Use tweezers to poke that layer of skin away, and then use smaller tools to pick it out from the flesh.Shaved from the flesh, the glass pulled out some blood streaks, the anesthesia still hurts, the injection is too fast, the effect fades quickly, the pain bursts, and the pain of breathing is almost forgotten, I bite my lips tightly, and the bloody smell lingers on the tip of my tongue came.

When I walked out of the hospital, I took out the money in my pocket with my hand wrapped in a red bandage. I found a small stack of Grandpa Mao, and only a few were left after searching.This month's rent is not enough.It was early before nine o'clock, thinking that I still remembered that the money was in my hands, so I could buy something for Tang Fengxing.

I don't know how to love, and I want to put the best things in his hands. If he smiles, I will be happy, and I just want to see Tang Fengxing smile.

I wandered around in a daze for a while, the screen of my broken phone lit up, and I suddenly noticed the date on the screen: 5.20

I looked around and remembered that today I bought more roses than lilies. It turns out that today is such a festival.

But I don’t think roses should be given on Valentine’s Day on 520. A lot of roses are consumed. Today they are in full bloom in the hands of lovers, and tomorrow they will wither and rot in the trash can. I call such a day the funeral of roses.

I don't want to have a funeral, so I'm going to be different, I don't want to send flowers.I hurried home and prepared to cook, but a huge thunderbolt was one step ahead of me. It rang, exploded, and the rented house was cut off, and the lights were turned off.

The room was completely dark, and nothing could be seen.

Cooking ended up failing.

The wounds all over his body, the broken chili sauce, and the scratched hands all seemed like a joke.

I was dizzy for a while, propped up on the kitchen countertop, the rain gradually increased, and the thunder became louder and louder. I didn't think about the problem of turning on the switch.I am not afraid of thunder, of darkness.I was afraid of my own incompetence, afraid that the darkness would easily control my spirit, wantonly pull me down, and enter irreversible negative sadness.

At the end of the day, the accumulated sadness suddenly came out. I ran into the room, took the medicine with trembling hands, and tears stained my hands.

The blood seeped into the bandage, I had no time to take care of it, I got into the closet, wrapped me in Tang Fengxing's clothes, pressed my body with the clothes, blocked my nose with the clothes, breathed hard, and felt the pleasure of suffocation.

Gradually, I was tired from crying, and the medicine took effect. I recovered and fell asleep. When I woke up, I didn’t know what time it was. The house was still dark, and it was still raining outside.

Tang Fengxing, did he take an umbrella?

It's a season change, will he get wet, and will he catch a cold?

I opened the closet a crack, quietly.I still took a deep breath, took the umbrella at the door and rushed out.

The umbrella couldn't cover some of the rain, and my clothes were wet, my hair was soaked, drooping, and I was in a mess.I ran to the office where he practiced, and it was close at hand, but I didn't dare to get close.

I looked at the brightly lit doorway, the intersection was crowded with people, and occasionally motorcycles and electric vehicles passed by. I stood there for a long time, like a sculpture. I don’t know why I didn’t go in and wait. I wanted to watch him come out of that doorway.

Tang Fengxing came out holding an umbrella, his jacket and suit outlined his handsome figure, and he was full of youthful vigor.As soon as he turned around, I seemed to see hope coming out of the light.

He saw me holding an umbrella in front of his eyes, his surprised expression turned into a smile, everything unfolded, and he ran towards me stepping on the rainwater on the ground.He wiped my face with the sleeve of his suit: "Why are you waiting here?"

It turned out that he brought it, and I was doing stupid things again.I turned around and was about to run.He grabbed my wrist: "Why do you want to run?"

"I... I just passed by..." I lowered my head and dared not look at him.

He pushed back my wet hair that covered a little of my eyes, and met my eyes.Pull me to the corner behind the office to shelter from the rain.He stooped into my umbrella, tipped his own over the two of us, took off his suit jacket and threw it over me.

A kiss landed on my lips, sucking and sucking like a rewarded candy.The tongue outlines the shape of my lips, and his body temperature is on the coat.The rain is sticky on the body, the skin is close to each other, and the humidity and heat are like tongues entangled in the mouth.The lingering in the rain is like a slow and low blues, but you can feel the bandage being caressed, the wound being caressed.

He leaned on my waist and said, "Ah Ning, I'm very happy. I'm very glad that you came to pick me up from get off work."

--------------------

Set a flag!

Update 2000+ every day

Finished beautifully on the winter solstice

We will definitely be together!