a row of egrets

Lu Zhan has been working continuously for nearly a month since he came back. He doesn't want to be idle at all, and he doesn't want to have any breathing time at all. He just wants to have endless work every day, so busy that he has no time to think about other things.

He knew how cowardly he was. He didn't even dare to click on the news about the death. Even if he saw related words, his heart would throb uncontrollably, and the pain in his chest was like ink. The same diffused, so uncomfortable that he couldn't breathe.

Even, when he looked at Xiao Yibai's WeChat, he didn't even dare to read the historical messages in the chat box. The person who had many chat records with him would never reply to his messages again.

But Lu Yu's words reminded him that there were some things he had to face.

Xiao Yibai's grandfather lived in a quiet neighborhood. Lu Zhan was invited by the nanny to the balcony door. He saw his grandfather sitting on a chair, with the bright sun shining on his shoulders, as if it was warm. Lu Zhan But it felt so desolate.

Lu Zhan walked over slowly, stood beside his grandfather, and called softly, "Grandpa."

Grandpa raised his head, nodded to Lu Zhan, and pointed to a chair next to him: "Sit down."

Lu Zhan sat down on the chair. He saw that his grandfather's hair was completely white, and his spirit was not as good as it was more than three years ago. His shoulders were bent a little, as if he was very heavy.

It is very heavy. The death of a young and outstanding grandson in a foreign country is a big blow to grandpa, perhaps the biggest blow.

Grandpa looked at Lu Zhan, but it seemed that he was looking at other people through Lu Zhan. His cloudy eyes were clearly illuminated by the sun, and Lu Zhan hardly dared to look at him.

"Grandpa..." Lu Zhan said hoarsely, "You have to take care of yourself."

Grandpa withdrew his eyes, looked away, and said slowly: "I have been a doctor for most of my life, and I have faced many deaths. I have seen cruel scenes, but Yibai..."

When Lu Zhan heard this name, his heart twitched tightly, and the pain instantly spread throughout his body, and those emotions that had been hidden and suppressed for more than a month were almost gushing out.

"Although I didn't see how Yibai died, and I didn't even see the photos of the scene, but in my heart, this is more painful than any death." Grandpa sighed, "He is still so young..."

Lu Zhan's voice trembled a little: "Grandpa...I..."

He originally wanted to say sorry, it was all my fault, but he was afraid of exposing his relationship with Xiao Yibai in front of his grandfather, but Lu Zhan couldn't say other comforts, because he couldn't comfort himself, so how could he be capable? To comfort Xiao Yibai's close relatives.

"Yibai told me everything." Grandpa looked at Lu Zhan, "He told me everything about you."

Lu Zhan trembled almost all over his body, he raised his head, eyes full of disbelief: "What?"

"The suicide note, Yibai, they all wrote the suicide note before they set off." Grandpa said softly, "After the accident, the suicide note was handed over to me by the military hospital. In the suicide note, everything about you and him is written." said."

Lu Zhan's heart seemed to be hit hard by something, and his whole body trembled.What he didn't dare to say, what he didn't dare to face, Xiao Yibai said all frankly, and announced their relationship to his relatives in the form of a suicide note, resolutely and firmly, without looking back The fearlessness of Lu Zhan and the deep affection that Lu Zhan will never be able to understand.

Lu Zhan tried his best to endure the tears that were about to burst, and breathed intermittently: "Grandpa, I'm sorry..."

Grandpa waved his hands slowly, his eyes seemed to sigh: "You are all right, I can't bear to blame anyone, it's all fate. It's a pity, after being a doctor for so many years and saving so many people, my most beloved little grandson No chance to save..."

He didn't continue talking, but reached out and opened a cardboard box on the small table in front of him. Inside was a folded white coat, an envelope, and a small wooden box.

Inside the wooden box were part of the ashes of Xiao Yibai and other doctors.

He was 22 years old, his youth was gone in a flash, and all he was sent back was a handful of ashes that matched with others.

The boy who was once lively and lively, finally met in this way.

Xiao Yibai looks cold, but he is also human, with a warm body temperature, a pleasant voice, and blinking eyes. He loves to smile in front of Lu Zhan, and sometimes he is childish. All his known and unknown things , Lu Zhan has seen them all, and he will never see them again.

Lu Zhan thought of many ways to part with Xiao Yibai, maybe he has a new partner, maybe he has no feelings for him, maybe he has to give up their relationship for the future.No matter which one, Lu Zhan will still comfort himself when he can't bear it. At least it is Xiao Yibai's choice. If he is happy, there is nothing to say, it's just life and death. Seeing the above, there is always a chance, but they didn't expect that death came so suddenly, they didn't even have time to say goodbye.

In fact, it was not too late, Lu Zhan had three years to say goodbye, but he never had the courage, and always thought that he would meet again, so he finally lost the last chance to say goodbye.

Lu Zhan couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He covered his eyes to block the tears tightly, and there was a suppressed cry in his mouth.

"Yibai also left a note for you, and put it together with the suicide note." Grandpa picked up an envelope and handed it to Lu Zhan, "It's for you, I haven't opened it, you can take a look."

Lu Zhan wiped away his tears, and took the envelope with trembling hands. "For Lu Zhan" was written on the envelope. Seeing these three words, Lu Zhan's tears flowed even more fiercely. After taking a deep breath, he finally returned. Courage took out the small note.The glare of the sun and tears blurred Lu Zhan's eyes. He wiped his tears again with his hand, and looked down to see the row of well-written characters.

"Lu Zhan, you told me not to wait for you. If you see this note, it means I listened to you. I didn't wait for you. I'm sorry."

Without a word of like, without any confession, Lu Zhan read Xiao Yibai's indelible feelings in these words.

If I were alive, I would definitely wait for you. Only death can stop me from waiting, but even so, I still want to say sorry to you for not being able to wait for you.

All Xiao Yibai's forgiveness, all his reluctance, all his longing, were all poured into this short sentence, each word was like a knife, piercing Lu Zhan's heart fiercely, causing so much pain He can't breathe.

Putting a hand on Lu Zhan's trembling shoulder, the grandfather sighed: "Yibai is in the suicide note, let me tell you, take good care of yourself."

Lu Zhan was crying softly, tear after drop ran across his face and fell on the back of his hand, his heart was clenched in pain, his mind was full of what Xiao Yibai had said to him, "Take good care of him" sentence after sentence. Own".

Grandpa touched Lu Zhan's head slowly, and took out something from under the white coat in the box and handed it to him: "I found this in Yibai's belongings. Yibai put it and his passport together." together."

Lu Zhan looked over with tears in his eyes, it was a ring.

It was a pair of rings that Lu Zhan bought when he was hospitalized, and they put them on each other with their own hands.

Lu Zhan's one had been carefully stored by him since he left the country, and he didn't dare to look at it again. However, Xiao Yibai's one, after three years and a long distance, was returned to Lu Zhan as a relic. hand.

The ring had lost its original luster and was somewhat worn and dull.Lu Zhan held it in the palm of his hand, the ring was icy cold, and gradually lost its temperature, as if it had just been picked off from its owner's finger, with a slightly warm temperature, but it could never return to the slender ring. on the finger.

Lu Zhan sat on the balcony and cried for a long time. All of them were sobbing in a low voice, which sounded depressed and heartbroken. Grandpa couldn't help but wiped his eyes.

When saying goodbye, grandpa handed a key to Lu Zhan: "Yibai's house has been kept, if you want to go back and have a look, go."

Lu Zhan took the key. Three years ago, he asked Li Jing to hand over the key to Xiao Yibai. Today, this key was given to him by someone else.

"Grandpa, take care of yourself too, I will come to see you often in the future." Lu Zhan lowered his head, he never dared to face his grandfather's old and sad face.

"Good boy, you still have to live well, you are still young."

You are still young.

These are the cruelest words Lu Zhan has ever heard, which means that he will suffer from the loss of Xiao Yibai for many years until the day he dies.

The rest of his life is still very long, but in Lu Zhan's heart, his life is completely over.

When Lu Zhan pushed the door open, time seemed to go back to more than three years ago. As soon as the door opened, the smell of food came from inside. Xiao Yibai stood in the kitchen cooking, and Lu Zhan took off his shoes and ran bouncing around. In the past, I hugged him from behind and said clearly, "Dr. Xiao is working hard."

But now, Lu Zhan's nose is full of dust and a lifeless emptiness.

He walked in slowly, and found that the house was utterly empty, and the furniture was completely covered by cloth covers. At a glance, it was endlessly desolate and lonely.

Those imprints of their lives, those memories, are all like these furniture, which are tightly covered up, out of the light of day, and will never see the light of day again.

Lu Zhan walked into the room, where he and Xiao Yibai used to sleep every night. In his more than 20 years of life, it seemed that he slept the most deeply when he and Xiao Yibai hugged each other. Dreams are the best.

Lu Zhan walked to the bedside table and reached out to open a drawer. He hadn't noticed these places before, but now he wanted to see what was in these drawers, things about Xiao Yibai.

There is a book in the drawer, which is a very old album of "The Little Prince", which should be read by Xiao Yibai when he was a child.

Lu Zhan opened the book and saw a stack of something inside. He pulled it out and unfolded it. It was a balloon, a faded and shriveled balloon, very old.

What fell on the ground was a small piece of paper, which seemed to be sandwiched with a balloon. Lu Zhan picked it up and saw the immature handwriting on it, which was written in a big way: "Lu Zhan, I'm sorry."

The memory flashed back to a certain summer in the military compound more than ten years ago. Under the scorching sun in the afternoon, ten-year-old Lu Zhan climbed up the fence and helped seven-year-old Xiao Yibai take down the balloon he hung on the branch.Lu Zhan accidentally fell on the ground and was sent to the hospital, but Xiao Yibai didn't tell the adults about it because he was afraid. Later, he moved out of the compound of the military region and couldn't say "I'm sorry" to Lu Zhan. ".

Lu Zhan can almost imagine how that snow-white and beautiful little friend, with deep guilt towards himself, wrote down this sentence forcefully on the paper, then folded it with the balloon, and sandwiched it into the "" In the picture book "The Little Prince", this childhood memory was buried for many years until he and Lu Zhan met again.

Who is whose little prince, who is whose rose.

I remain on my planet, looking into the void that can no longer be touched.

Holding the note, Lu Zhan knelt in the empty room, weeping uncontrollably.

He and Xiao Yibai are over, this life, the next life, and eternal life.The separation brought about by death is the most decisive and cruel, and there is no way to redeem it forever. No matter how much I love you or how much you love me, life has no purpose, and we will never see each other again in the next life.