a row of egrets

That night, Lu Zhan dreamed of Xiao Yibai.

He dreamed that he was in a forest, surrounded by thick fog and shadowy tall trees, and there was a black path stretching forward at his feet, and he didn't know where it led.

A few deer ran by in a hurry, but stopped suddenly, the dark blue moonlight and the vast hoarfrost, the shadows of the trees were mottled, and the deer breathed out a burst of white breath, with calm and vivid eyes, stepping on the quiet night. The air moves on.

Lu Zhan took two steps forward, saw a blurry figure, and walked a few steps closer. Lu Zhan looked at the back of the figure, and for some reason began to cry with a sore nose: "Xiao Yibai..."

Xiao Yibai turned his head, his cold face was especially cold in the hustle and bustle of the fog, his dark eyes looked at Lu Zhan through the white fog, his mouth seemed to move slightly, but he didn't make any sound. It seems to be lit with dots of lights, flickering on and off.

"Where are you going?" Lu Zhan looked at him, he didn't know what Xiao Yibai was going to do, he just subconsciously felt that Xiao Yibai's eyes seemed to be saying goodbye, and he wanted to ask where Xiao Yibai was going.

Xiao Yibai didn't speak, turned his head slowly, and walked towards the distance filled with thick fog, as if he had plunged into an opaque vortex without looking back.The only thing Lu Zhan could see clearly was his sad side face when he turned his head, the endless mourning, and the tears flickering in the lights.

Lu Zhan reached out to grab it, staggered twice, but only caught the drenched mist. Tears kept welling up in his eyes, and his voice was clear and piercing in the silence: "Don't go..."

When Lu Zhan woke up, his face was full of tears, and his heart was throbbing. He grabbed the clothes on his chest, tried his best, and finally let out a cry from his throat.

Ever since he heard the news of Xiao Yibai's death, Lu Zhan had never dreamed of him once, but tonight he had such a desolate and helpless dream.

Lu Zhan remembered a rumor he had heard. If you suddenly dreamed of a deceased person whom you haven’t dreamed of for a long time, it meant that person came to say goodbye to you, and he was about to really leave.

In the dark room, in the panic of dreaming back in the middle of the night, Lu Zhan felt the biting coldness, like ice water gradually rising up, it was so cold and painful.

Lu Zhan remembered what he said to Lu Yancheng: "If you want me to break up with him completely, there is only one way, and that is my death."

Unexpectedly, the person who died was not Lu Zhan, but Xiao Yibai.

Lu Zhan would rather die himself, at least he won't suffer as much as now.

In this world, some people want to survive, some people want to die, and many more people can't live but die.

The next day, Lu Zhan went to work in the company as usual, as if he was not the one who cried so many times the day before.

It doesn't matter what, for Lu Zhan, any kind of life is the same, there is no difference, it's just living numbly.

He was sitting in the office, looking down at the documents, when someone knocked on the door suddenly.

"Come in."

The door was pushed open, Lu Zhan looked up, it was Lu Yancheng.

It's been a month since he came back, and Lu Zhan hasn't seen him once, so Lu Zhan was not surprised that Lu Yancheng came today. He even felt that it was unexpected that his father could endure it for so long.

"Sit down." Lu Zhan poured him a glass of water, "What can I do for you?"

Lu Yancheng looked at his son whom he hadn't seen for three years. Lu Zhan had lost a lot of weight and looked tired. There was no bright color in his eyes.Compared with before, he is much more mature and stable, but he has lost all his vivid expressions and looks indifferent and alienated.

Lu Yancheng didn't know how to speak for a moment.

"Don't you have anything to say?" Lu Zhan sat opposite him calmly, "But I have something to tell you."

Lu Yancheng looked at him in surprise. Lu Zhan's indifferent and cold attitude was really strange, completely different from the cheerful and laughing child in the past.He even began to doubt whether it was the right choice for him to force him to go abroad.

"I live very well outside. You can rest assured that I work hard in the company. You can ask my brother about this. He knows it very well. I have the ability to live independently. You don't have to worry about me. Work and life are fine. Well, I hope you can let me go in the future. I am 25 years old, I know exactly what I am thinking, and I can tell you very clearly that even if he dies, I still love him. If you try to arrange someone else for me No matter if it's a woman or a man, as long as there is one, I will disappear in City A immediately. If you use tricks to investigate me, I don't mind letting you watch your son die in front of you, anyway, I don't care. "

After Lu Zhan finished speaking, he took a sip of water and looked at Lu Yan without fear.

Lu Yancheng was shocked one after another in his heart. He never thought that Lu Zhan would become like this. Lu Zhan, who never dared to resist or even was a little cowardly in front of him, seemed to be a different person. His tone was undeniably cold and straightforward. , the words he said were also ruthless and determined, and his eyes did not back down, with a deep sense of oppression.

After a long time, Lu Yancheng said: "I will not force you, as long as you live a good life."

This is a big concession. In the past, Lu Zhan hardly dared to think about it. After hearing this, he would definitely say happily: "Thank you, Dad!"

At this moment, Lu Zhan felt that this sentence was simply too ironic.

He smiled, but it can't be called a smile. At most, he twitched his mouth: "Live a good life? Do you think it is possible for me to live a good life in this life?"

Lu Yancheng did not speak.

Lu Zhan breathed out: "I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just blaming myself. If I hadn't been so impulsive at the beginning, if I had really lived a good life, nothing would have happened. But even if I did it, I gave it to you It's all my fault for sending me abroad for a reason, I just can't forgive myself, and I don't have any intention of hating you."

"I know." Lu Yancheng sighed, "Lu Zhan, you are not the only one who is wrong. If you just went out of the country, I know you would not be like this, but the world is impermanent, who knows Xiao..."

"Dad, don't talk about it." Lu Zhan suppressed the pain in his heart and said coldly, "You don't need to mention these, I just hope that you can let me live by myself in the future. This is my only wish, please don't Make me do anything, or I'll be a second price. You'll know that losing a son hurts you more than the fact that he's with a boy."

"I see, take good care of yourself, and come home and have a look when you have time." Lu Yancheng paused, "I remember to visit Vice President Zhao often."

"I will."

After Lu Yancheng left, Lu Zhan sat on the sofa with his head down, expressionless.

pat.

A tear fell on his knee, and then quickly disappeared into his pants, leaving a slight trace.

Lu Zhan still failed to live a good life.

How could it be possible.

If you suppress it for too long, you will never be able to bear it.

He bought a plane ticket, and wanted to go to the place where Xiao Yibai stayed, the place where he would stay forever.

He was standing in the security line wearing a mask, with the brim of his hat pulled low. Suddenly seven or eight soldiers rushed in from the airport hall, and immediately pulled Lu Zhan out of the crowd.

Lu Zhan struggled desperately in silence. Finally, several soldiers clasped their hands behind their backs and pressed them firmly to the ground. The mask and hat were also taken off. He gritted his teeth, and his eyes were bloodshot.

Lu Yu slowly walked in front of him, and finally Lu Zhan cried out gasping for breath, his voice trembling: "I just want to take a look... can't I even take a look? I haven't even been able to see him for the last time ..."

Lu Zhan returned to China for more than two months. This was the first time he cried in front of Lu Yu. If he hadn't seen Lu Zhan's tears today, Lu Yu almost thought that Lu Zhan had already walked out.

Lu Yu knelt down slowly, looked at Lu Zhan whose face was full of tears: "If you go, you won't come back, I know."

"Brother..." Lu Zhan cried and called him, his teeth trembling, "Brother, I really can't live anymore...I'm too uncomfortable...Please...let me go..."

Lu Yu stroked his messy hair: "If you can't live, you have to live, and he definitely doesn't want to see you like this."

That day, in the hall of the international airport in City A, amidst countless people, Lu Zhan cried and broke down.

He really thought about it, seeing Xiao Yibai again.