Three thousand congratulations

【1】

Listen to the quiet sound of running water

wind blowing cheeks

Memories are fainted like ripples

Looking up at the sky is so far away

A memory that wants to be forgotten is awakened

Tears burst into tears

Unforgettable

Only the season when the white cherry blossoms fall like dancing

The petals whisper, this is a dream

【2】

The first time I saw that person was when my grandfather was alive.

At that time, I still had such things as a family name and a first name, and it was Grandpa who would call out to me full of kindness.From him, I learned knowledge, swordsmanship and various principles of life.

When my parents urged me to practice calligraphy, illustrations and etiquette, I always hid behind my grandpa with a sad face, and my grandpa would pretend to be angry and stare and say "what's wrong with letting the child play for a while".

"But swordsmanship is not something that girls should learn. Does father want to train her to be a warrior?" Mother couldn't hold back her breath, so she countered.

"It never occurred to me," replied Grandpa.

He turned to me and said, "I don't want you to be a samurai. Rather than having the belief that you can die for it, I want you to find something you can live for."

"Samurai," Grandpa seems to have said, "seem to be people who live to die."

"One day they will leave their families, their friends, and the world behind, to follow the so-called righteousness."

I asked him curiously, "What is righteousness?"

"Abandon the reason of the world."

At that time, I didn't understand the so-called righteousness at all, how could I have the heart to abandon it, this world with grandpa, no matter what.

"You're not a samurai, so you don't live to die. Try to find a reason to live."

what is it?

【3】

Several years later, when he was dying, my grandfather still said to me in a kind voice: "You must live a good life and you must be happy."

His hand that was holding me suddenly dropped limply, and no matter how I shouted, there was no response.

I haven't had time to ask him yet.

What is the so-called reason to live for?

What is happiness?

How do I go about finding it?

【4】

The first person who left this world forever in front of me was my grandpa, who was strict and even domineering to everyone but only obedient to me.

I thought it was the last time I would be so saddened by the death of someone I loved so much.

I thought there would never be another farewell that would break my heart so much.

Several years later, facing the coffin.

I just realized I was wrong.

【5】

From now on, facing those bodies that have lost their lives, besides indifference, I occasionally show envy.

What a blessing.

To be in a world with the people I love.

This kind of happiness is what I long for but can't get.

At the same time, I was constantly terrified.

If one day I can leave this world.

Can I meet them?

Will they be there waiting for me?

Will it happen?

I do not know.

Because the only place I'm going to be is hell full of pain and torment.

Don't want to meet them there.

【6】

Confused, the tears on my face are still wet, and my eyes are still red and swollen. I wake up crying from the grandfather's smile in the dream again and again, so I am caught off guard and have to face this by myself. The world that has been peeped secretly from behind the grandfather.

After my grandfather left, I lost my shelter and was restrained by my parents like revenge. At first, I felt like a walking dead because of grief, but I felt nothing but pain, but gradually our conflicts have completely occupied all the communication between us. .

I want to leave this family that no longer appeals to me, even though I know it would be treasonous to do so.

I searched in vain for a solution by myself.When my grandfather was still seriously ill, I wrote to my brother who was studying in Satsuma. Because I didn’t spend much time with him since I was a child, I didn’t have the same distrust and disgust for him as my parents who live with me day and night.

I regarded him as someone I could confide in, and in the letters I wrote to him, I gradually changed from deliberately pretending to be calm and narrating the depressing life to later expressing my desire to make a decision with this family more and more bluntly. In the correspondence, he criticized his parents for their attitude of staying out of the way of the growing arrogance of Heaven and Man. When Grandpa was there, he always actively hoped that the general could adopt decisive policies to curb the further expansion of Heaven and Man’s power.

But he never seemed to respond positively.

Either for or against.

Of course there are no caveats.

【7】

Later, I found out that my mother was also writing to him all the time, saying a lot about my rebellious and hopeless behavior.I probably also hope that he can persuade me as an older brother.

However, there were no sentences related to persuasion or reprimand in my brother's letter.

Even as usual, he never responded positively to my thoughts.

He talked a lot about what he had seen and heard during the study tour, and recalled a lot of things about me when I was a child. In fact, thinking about it now, this is also a kind of tactful comfort from him.

What is the current situation needs further observation.

What the country really needs is unclear.

Being influenced by the rebellious period and extreme personality, I don't understand these at all. I just keep annoyed that he didn't support me, didn't stand on my side, on the side of the so-called justice.

In my eyes, the behavior of my parents oppressing me may be just arbitrary, but because of their attachment to status, they timidly abandon justice and pretend to be deaf and dumb to the arrogance of heaven and man. This is wrong and even worthy of contempt.

I don't know what is the real right thing, I just object to everything they give me because they are wrong in my eyes.

【8】

The conflict that had been accumulated for a long time finally broke out at the dinner party one month after the grandfather passed away.

When my mother asked me to go out and meet the emissary sent by the new fiancé, my refusal finally caused her to explode.

She warned me that I must submit to my destiny as a member of the family.

Leaving aside the fact that she wants to marry her daughter to a politician to strengthen her family's status, she is really wrong about the so-called destiny.

Although a few years later, I knew that the rest of my life would be spent in numbness and anticipation of death.

But my destiny is definitely not to marry the son of a ruler who is tolerant of heaven and man.

I can be sure of this.

I will not marry this man I have not met.

Even though my engagement to that person has been annulled.

【9】

Although I only met a few times and didn't even say a few words properly, news about him and his family has been continuously reaching my ears.

Maybe it's my parents' tacit consent that I can know the news.

They must have planned to end the family when his grandfather committed suicide.

In their eyes, admonishing the general with death, begging the general to stop the encirclement and suppression of the barbarians, and hoping that the general will deal with heaven and man, this is a very stupid and dangerous thing.

Although I think this is what a samurai does, even if the old man is just a civil servant who has assisted the general for generations.Why don't those so-called warriors do anything?Why are their swords silent now?

After the grandfather died, the last important supporter of this marriage contract disappeared.

There seems to be nothing wrong with saying this, since I can only be called non-objective to the matter, I was not yet in love with him, and I even imagined him as a hideous figure before I even met him.

Because I hate being arranged.Especially family arrangements.

【10】

"Do you think you can live without us and this family?" There was an angry expression on the mother's face, and there was a bit of sarcasm at the corner of her mouth.

His grandfather committed suicide for justice, his father still refused to compromise and was assassinated by Heaven and Man, his elder brother led his retainers, and united with ministers who also opposed Heaven and Man to betray the general.

They lost their fiefs and official positions, and they couldn't even keep their ancestral temples.

There is no way for such a person to have a marriage contract with us.

"Because he's not good enough for us," was what my father said.

Is it really?

It's because we don't deserve him.

Everyone in his family is willing to die and sacrifice their lives for the great resistance, but we are just a group of cowards who dare not resist the general.

So when my mother said this, I responded unceremoniously.

"I don't need such a family."

【11】

When I knelt before my grandpa's spirit for the last time, I still shed tears.

When I left that home, I left behind all the jewelry, playthings and my last name as promised.

In addition to the first time, I also left my name.

The name that grandpa once called lovingly, no one will call it like this after he left, so it has no meaning of existence.

I took away the pair of two-handed swords that my grandfather kept.

Grandpa told me that this sword is called Red Lotus, which means Red Lotus Hell.

Only those who have killed 1000 people are considered Kaifeng. Although it is extremely sharp, it is regarded as an unknown sword because of its heavy killing.

It is indeed the only thing I am not willing to leave in that house.

【12】

Although I lost my name, I have a new name from that day on.

I have lived a hard life of wandering, and I seem to have lost my purpose without knowing it, and I am moving towards a clue that I can grasp.

It is said that he took charge of the army that rebelled against the shogunate after his brother died, and that he is wanted.

It is said that his army suffered another defeat.

In this way, following these unfortunate news, I went all the way.

Seems to be expecting something.

seems to be looking for something.

Until one day I saw that familiar figure outside that yard.

I almost ran out of control out of there.

I am no longer the neat, well-dressed lady I was when we first met.

And he is still so elegant and indifferent.

I am the one who is not good enough for him now.

【13】

I hid behind a wall in horror.

It took a long time to let out a breath.

Fortunately not found, I was thinking so.

Suddenly someone called my name.

The name that I abandoned in my former home.

【14】

I turn my head away.

He stood not far away smiling.

He was like many years later.

【15】

This is a dream.

If only it was a dream.

It would be nice if I woke up here.

【16】

A person who is stamped with the label of misfortune by fate.

At this moment, there was an illusion of happiness.

It seemed that he wanted to get out of the abyss in order to catch something.

【17】

walking alone in sleepless nights

The wind gently indulges my willfulness

Those turns turned into memories

Does the moon hidden in the clouds also feel sultry

Memories are like moist air that cannot be erased

Why can't I stop turning into tears?

Cruelly engraving the imprint of time

fool the bondage of fate

lush green cherry leaves

also so silent

Unforgettable

Only the season when the white cherry blossoms fall like dancing

The petals whisper, this is a dream