The First Chaos In History

　　 I'm so unlucky, really.

　　 People traveled through history to dominate the roost, and the most conservative can also return to the Ming Dynasty to be a prince, but I can only be reversed. Yesterday Liu Laoliu brought this guy back to Jing Ke.

　　It was him, the guy who assassinated Qin Shihuang, who liked to sing before doing business.

　　 Things have to start from the beginning.

　　 On that day, I didn’t hire anyone and walked without provoking anyone. When passing by the outer wall of the park, a dirty old man called me and hired his very post-modern dirty hands: "My kid, you have a guts today..."

　　 As the so-called "boredom brings disaster", I am a big idler, squatting in front of the old man with the mentality of being idle and idle and coughing. I am not afraid that he lied to me. The main reason is: I have 5 yuan in my pocket.

　　 I smiled and said, "Then you first calculate my surname, how many years I was born, and what I do, then I will give you the money."

　　 The old **** stick shook his head pretentiously: "Those are the tricks of swindlers, and I am a god-let me ask you: Do you want to be a **** too?"

　　 What a good opening, if you are not willing to go.

　　 I'm not willing to go anyway. I guess this old thing might make up a row of books: "I think your bones are a unique master...the task of maintaining world peace will be left to you in the future."

　　 But the master is the master. He told me something amazing, which caused me to worship him so desperately that I had a series of bad luck afterwards.

　　 He told me: "The white sand you smoked is fake!"

　　As soon as I said this, I felt like a reader from the starting point wrote: I just felt like a flower, what happened to me...

I am used to smoking at the small cigarette shop opposite my home. I found out that there was no smoking on the street today. Who knows that buying a box of cigarettes is a fake TM. No wonder people say that buying a box of fake cigarettes is depressing for men. The degree is second only to newly married and found that his wife is not a virgin.

　　 0.01 seconds after the old man said this sentence, I felt that the five dollars in my pocket could not be kept.

What happened after 　　 can be described as twists and turns.

"You could have become an immortal, but you fell in love with a female fairy just before the immortal affairs department (on the same level as the personnel department) was about to approve it. The estimated pressure of public opinion and the hard-to-solve problem that has always been faced: what kind of moral criteria should be used to measure a person who will become a fairy but not a fairy?"

　　 To tell the truth, I had always thought that the Peking University professor was disguised as a liar who was doing a scientific research on the spirit. I even looked around secretly, but didn't find anything that looked like a camcorder.

　　 "The Jade Emperor was very angry, and the consequences were serious. He originally intended to bring you nine thunderstorms to the top. But that day happened to be the seventh day of July, and it was changed to a thunderous thunderstorm under the words of the seventh princess..."

　　 I interrupted and asked, "What is the difference between nine thunders and one thunder?"

　　 "It makes no difference, you are dead anyway."

I:"…"

　　 "Later the fairy world discussed your question and the result came out: that is, you should not be punished if you fall in love with a fairy before you become a fairy."

I:"…"

　　 "So they decided to repay you. Now you have two choices: The first is to use your life to do something for them, and after the matter is done, it is logical to get you (this word makes me very uncomfortable) to become a god."

　　 I was curious, and asked: "What about the second option?"

　　 "The second choice was proposed by the Queen Mother. This wife means that since you like that little fairy, you will test the three of you. If you can live together forever, let you become immortals together."

　　 I straightened up and said, "The story is wonderful, but I haven't eaten yet, bye." However, the old **** stick grabbed me: "What should I do to believe that I am a god?"

　　 I said lazily: "If you don't let go, I'll lift your front face with a brick!"

　　 "Why don't you try it — I mean why don't you tell me something to prove that I am a god?"

　　 "You **** don't turn Lao Tzu into a woman!" I glanced at Zhang Ziyi on the advertisement poster in the opposite building (this word is too difficult to type) "I will become Zhang Ziyi and I will believe you."

　　 I'm so stupid, really (Xianglin's wife). Actually put forward such a perverted request.

This old guy pointed at me. I don’t need to say anything, I don’t feel right. My brother, although not as "very" as an AV male star, disappeared like a rice husk in a level 12 typhoon. ! I covered my crotch, this old **** actually pushed me into the street and yelled, "Look at Zhang Ziyi!"

　　 The first thing I discovered was two "dinosaurs" walking around in the street. These two women weighed at least 300-kg. After hearing the yelling of the old **** stick, they inadvertently glanced here, and then screamed like a strange hand stuck in their crotch. Fortunately, it was more than one o'clock in the afternoon, and fortunately, wearing a black silk shirt and 7-point pants, I lowered my head without attracting the attention of others.

Two dinosaurs rushed towards me during the shaking of the mountain. I had to put my tongue on my mouth and my dantian called Hun Yuanqi to jump (climb) into the park fence and through the railing. Begged the old **** stick: "Hurry up and change me back!"

At this time, the two dinosaurs were separated by a wall from me. One of them only grabbed the railing and shook it slightly. The whole wall had already begun to fall down. I put one hand out of the railing, miserably. Exclaimed: "Ruhua, you go, leave me alone..."

...After a long period of confusion, the old **** stick finally changed me back, then he put on a pair of sunglasses, took out a pen-like thing, and said to the two dinosaurs: "Look here..." after a click , The two dinosaurs are dumbfounded (see "Men in Black" for details). But after staying for a while-"Zhang Ziyi!" one of the dinosaurs shouted. Old God Gun Waterfall Khan murmured: "It seems that Western goods are just unreliable..."

　　 Gossip, less narrative, return to the main story.

　　 "Believe it or not I am a fairy?"

　　 "What do you want me to do, let's talk about it." To a certain extent, I have maintained a righteous tone when I am restored to my body. Even if he is a god, I have 5 yuan in my pocket. What can I do?

　　 "Don't be emotional, I'm here to help you, do you remember what I told you? As long as you do things for them, they will make you a fairy."

　　 "What do you say first?" Actually, I am not interested in becoming a fairy. How about being a five-star general? Fooling with a Chang'e still turns into a moon night pigman.

"The underworld has been very troubled recently. The reason is that the judge drank too much when attending Yan Wang's younger brother-in-law's wedding, which reduced the lifespan of a large number of people on the life and death book by one year. The policy of'short for one for three' will make up this year in their next life, but you have to know that those passers-by A passerby B are still easy to deal with, some people are reluctant, such as those historical celebrities, emperors, these People have a background, and the king of Yama didn't dare to offend him, so he had to promise them to let them return to the world for another year."

　　 "What does this have to do with me?"

"You don't want to think about the consequences if you put them back in their time? What will happen to Liu Bang and Xiang Yu in this year, what will happen to Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi, whether Li Shimin will kill Wu Zetian, Genghis Khan can Can’t change today’s territory? Not to mention these people, Li Bai and Du Fu spent more than a year in the dust, who knows what they will write about things that will affect the future generations, and Cai Lun can invent anything weird and strange—do you understand if I say that ?"

"Almost, this is the domino effect. Any one of them may reshape history when they go back, so they can't be brought back to the time they were in." After I said this, I felt that things were going to be worse, "You Don’t you want to get those people to my place?"

The old **** stick smiled triumphantly. He smiled triumphantly: "Who said no? The king deceived them to get them into the'Outside Wonderland' to make up for their one-year life, and this'Outside Wonderland' refers to you. ."

　　 Now that the king of Yama has a **** shit, and the immortal world is looking for someone to carry a scapegoat, it seems that if you don't do it, you have to do it, otherwise it will become "Why people, why and what?"?

　　 I pretended to be embarrassed and said, "Is there any funding for activities? First, get hundreds of millions of flowers. Since it's a ‘Wonderland’, I have to get two girls in cheongsams, and then I have a few cranes?"

　　 I thought that the old **** stick would be full of promises. UU reading www.uukanshu.com others wrote about crossing, and things like money, beauty, etc. are just not worth mentioning props. No one knows that this nasty old **** stick actually said: "I don't care, the immortal world was meant to test you. You can figure it out by yourself, and also—those people have seen all the worlds, so don’t bother, if you agree. I'll take the first customer back to you in the evening."

　　 "But I..."

"Because this is a deal: you make peace for them, and they make you immortal, so we will call these people customers in the future, you can agree or not, if you don't agree..." The old magic stick took out again Put on the sunglasses and take out the pen, "I'll just follow you, but I declare in advance: This thing is not very useful, it is likely to make you forget many things, including what is your last name, who is your parent? Are you male or female, etc..."

　　 "You might as well say that I became a mentally handicapped person!"

　　 The old **** stick raised his head and thought for a while, and said: "Yes, you sum it up very accurately..."

　　 I pointed to the nose of the old **** stick, and told him sternly: "As an ordinary person, it is right to do something for the immortal world. How can you doubt my consciousness?"

　　 This is how things are, the old **** stick said to me when he left me: "Don't call me old **** stick anymore, my name is Liu Laoliu, and I will take the client to you at night..."

　　 Then, Liu Laoliu led a tall and sturdy man who was dressed like a turtle to me and introduced, "This is Jing Ke."

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