i fell in love with a straight guy

I admit that all good things are my own imagination.

My brother is such a careful and considerate person, if he really likes me, how could he really fail to see that I like him.

He just didn't want to know.

I don't blame him, he's straight, he doesn't like me.

I shamelessly insisted on posting it.It was I who used his love to force him to be by my side for so many years.

He just left quietly, without exposing my hypocrisy or my ugliness.

My brother gave me the last morsel of decency, and I should pack up my bed and get out of his sight.

But I miss my brother so much.

I couldn't help but wonder, if I hadn't pierced that layer of window paper back then, would we have lived together as brothers and sisters respectfully.

In fact, I should be obedient.My mother taught me since I was a child that as long as I am obedient, I can get anything.I shouldn't have my own thoughts, I should live the way they want, so that I can be loved, even if that love is stolen from me.

But a month ago, I always thought that no matter what I became, my brother would not dislike me.

Secret love is a kind of poison, it will make your crush object infinitely good, and it will make you feel miserable when you lose it.I know that secret love is fruitless, but I was willing to be poisoned by my senior brother.

Lying on the bed by myself, my head hurts and my heart hurts.

I got out of bed and opened the drawer of the bedside table.I remember there were painkillers in it, and every time my brother had a backache, he would take the medicine from there.

I didn't turn on the light, I reached in and touched a piece of paper.

My heart stopped for a second.I always feel that this is left to me by my brother.

I turned sideways out of bed, fumbled to turn on the light, then knelt on the ground and opened the paper.

It was a folded letter, written very seriously, in the cursive script I had read for four years, with the chicness unique to medical students.

Yu'er, don't drink all the time, eat meals on time, don't just drink coffee and skip meals, remember to carry a piece of candy in your pocket at ordinary times, so as to save hypoglycemia and make you feel uncomfortable again;

Yu'er, you must pay attention to safety when driving, and go to bed early at night, don't go out every time when you are almost late, because you are in a hurry on the road, it is not safe;

Yu'er, clothes need to be washed frequently, just put them in the washing machine, add laundry detergent and half-cap disinfectant, that's enough;

Yu'er, remember to lock the door before going to bed at night, remember to check whether the water and electricity are properly closed;

Yu'er, the clothes you often wear, such as trousers and ties, are all ironed and arranged in the closet. Remember to put away the clothes you don't wear and hang them up to save you from wrinkling;

Yu'er, your ID card, household registration book, and driver's license are placed in the storage box on the shoe rack at the door of your house. It's on the top, very conspicuous, and you can see it at a glance;

Yu'er, I wrote a list of other important things at home and put them in the first drawer of the bedside table in our room, so I can look them up later if I want to find anything;

……

Yu'er, you are so old, I still think you can't take care of yourself... Do you feel like an old lady;

Yu'er, when you grow up, you have to be strong and independent. If you are sad in the future, don't cry, it will not look good when you cry;

Yu'er, the rest of the journey is up to you. Find a good girl, get married and start a family, and live in peace and stability.This is your way;

If you are happy, I will be happy too;

If you are really desperate, look back, Senior Brother will always be someone you can rely on.

There was no signature on the letter, only one line of date, which was the day we broke up and I lay drunk on the street.

I cried, I don't know why I'm so sad, but the tears just flowed down my face.

My brother still thinks of me, and I should be honored.